endless lit streets and paper cranes

I think i have possesion issues.

Someone please please please ERASE that image i just saw from my memory forever because i am something like in shock.

Scratch that, i AM in shock.

Curiosity killed the cat. Ignorance is bliss. What i dont know wont kill me. Some things are better off not knowing.

I am speechless. My face probably resembles this:

0_0

It sucks to be a scorpio at times. Although completely blaming my astrological sign is pretty much reduntant and childish, i am otherwise in a state of shock, bordering on being in a state of paralysis.

And the whole horoscope shit is my only other reasonable self-justification option.

Someone please give me amnesia.

Okaaay im being kinda pathetic.

And the day's report.

Work was as usual today. Felt like death getting out of bed early.

Um. I saw a top a like at Mango. May be going back there to get it tomorrow. MAY be.

Going with Vasellia shopping hopefully sometime soon to get stuff to wear for the speech day ceremony. I swear i do not own one single knee-length skirt. I did see a nice one at Diesel tho, but not buying it at $178.

Cant wait to re-do my hair with Vase.

I am still in shock.

Went to the so-called 4e1 and 4e2 combined chalet today.

(it was bloody filthy by the way)

i'll just let the pictures depict the day.

entrance to the chalet.

khai being crazy one.

khai declared insane.

timer. incredible invention.

me and that crazy ming xiang.

that's right smile people smile!

climbed over the rail to the rocks. great photo op.

north south east west.

right back atcha!

the photo ops were really good.

so after that vase treated us all to pizza and we went with some of the 4e2 guys to OCH. yes i know its kinda pointless to go there in the day but what the heck.

went back and watched dvds amidst pigging out.

yep. fun = )

work tomorrow.

HAHA IM FINALLY OFF TOMORROW.

Im delighted. Im esctatic. Im overjoyed.

Im full of nonsense.

Right. The usual boring report on my usual boring day.

The shop was uber quiet today and i went shopping during both breaks. Buying necessities. I swear. Like moisturizer, stuff for my mom, plain tops for school and the like.

No food. Im saving money on eating in town. its way to expensive. Rice and two veggie dishes cost me $3.50 at Lucky Plaza and i probably can get 3 dishes with rice for the same amount elsewhere.

I got a letter from northview telling me to go back during the speech day ceremony to get a prize for doing well in English Literature. Looks like Mellissa and Singyi will be going with me. We all got the same grade anyway. To think all those years i merely performed as part of the choir.. now get to see THEM perform.

It feels funny somehow. Sad, even.

Off i go.

To sum up alot of ranting, the endless thoughts and deep thinking that have been on going for the past 24 hours or so would be:

Words hurt, but only if we choose to be affected by them. But yet, while in the process of self-discovery, we must take heed in those words because there's no smoke without fire.

I guess this is going to sound very much like a confessional. Ah heck who am i kidding, im going to rant anyway.

How shall i put it. I was talking on msn last night and some stuff really got me thinking.

Like how people have been saying im a fake, that im so insecure i have to lie about my life, that i change friends faster than i change clothes etc etc.

I admit, some stuff ive done in school im not exactly proud of. Like throwing my weight around, constantly having that annoyingly snobby look on my face for no reason and taking alot of things for granted, my friends, people's tolerance and the like.

To cut it all short, i guess im not really a very like-able person. And while it makes me feel kinda itchy, i dont really care either. I mean, everyone is judgemental to a certain level and if people just dont like you, no matter what you do, they'll always be able to find fault in it. But i dont care.

Because i have friends who know that im currently in the stage of transition. Like, im trying to figure out stuff about myself, and deciding what kind of person i want to be. I mean, everyone has/is going through this stage now and what can i say, its tough. And these are the friends whose opinions matter to me. To put it bluntly, everyone else who gossip and spread rumours about me that are totally not true can just fuck off and eat my socks.

I graduated leaving behind many opportunities for people to gossip about me. Some true, others lies. But no matter what these people want to say, im powerless to stop it and i guess the old statement is true.

Let people say what they want to say, let people think what they want to think.

Im sorry to have left behind a not-very-pleasant reputation of myself, regret even. But while id love to go back in time and change it, i suppose all this will spur me to become a better person.

And also, i cant please everyone, and i have no intention to even try. This blog entry has no intention of letting people go "ooh, mona's changing, maybe i should hate her a little less etc etc", but rather i see this blog as a chance for me to sort out my thoughts and clear my head a little. Plus typing is a hell lot faster than writing.

The thought of publishing all that is making me feel weak and a little vulnerable -which i hate- but what the heck.

Today was crazily busy. The total sales was a 5 digit number and i had to go to heeren because of staff shortage.

Wow, a little fashion show does wonders. The power of advertising.

Well, i finally bought my papillos so you wont have to hear me whine about it no more. I reckon people would get irritated after a while anyway. Oh and, the miss sixty tops look like crap on me so no buy. Not till i lose weight, i look like a blob now. lol.

going to go read abit and sleep. im beat.

I am still amazed at how people can spend up to a thousand dollars on clothes at one go.

Then again, if i were too filthy rich, i guess i would too.

MY BELT IS GONE!! SOLD OUT!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One consolation, there are two tops i like and im going to try them on tomorrow. Didnt have time today as the shipment came in at around 5.

And we unpacked, did inventory, tagged, folded, re-packed and kept everything away. For three cartons stuffed to the brim with tops. Not jeans mind you, TOPS.

Took us only 3 hours.

Bought a stripped top from Mango and two books from Kino. Wanted to go to Topshop to pick up more plain tops but i thought to leave that for tomorrow so id have somewhere to go. Going to go look at my birks. Im sick of procastinating.

Fashion show tomorrow. Its going to be so busy with the sale and all. Plus we have to 'look our best'. Whatever.

Sleepy day. And i mean it literally.

Slept at two last night, which is normal for me but i had to wake at seven today.

I slept in the train on the way to my mom's office.

From there we tried to do the course confirmation shit and ran into TONS of problems. Fuck i got panicky so we thought we'll just settle it in school since i had to go there to order the notebook anyway.

So ordered the Apple Notebook and collection is at Cineleisure on the 6th. Strange much? Managed to settle the registration thing. My mom is scary when things go wrong. I swear i never, ever want to have to do anything with her regarding customer service.

After that we went to town to get our hair done. She dyed her hair and i cut mine. The guy did a temporary perm for me (tighter than my normal curls, and alot wilder) and I LOVE IT. So going to do that when i re-perm my hair next month.

Get this: While the lady was blow drying my hair, i actually managed to fall asleep.

Anyway.

We went back to her office after that and i slept on the waiting chair meant for visitors. -_-"

We left at around five and i slept on the train ride back.

Either im really really tired, or something's wrong with me. I bet its the latter.

Ran into Desmond at the interchange, saw Yingyong who didnt see me, saw Sharon Toh and saw Sharbana.

Nice to see all these familiar faces.

Ah work again tomorrow.

Aptly titled, i must say.

I woke up bright and early, way before the alarm clock feeling damn refreshed and optimistic.

In fact, i was having a great hair day, a great eyelash day (i call it that when my eyelashes curl and respond to my mascara nicely) and hell, i actually looked in the mirror thinking i didnt look too bad.

And then some bitch had to go ruin it for me.

Was getting off the bus at northpoint when my ring fell off my finger. So i bent down to pick it up and a reasonable speed if i may add.

And the bloody bitch pushed me.

This is the point where id like to add i was at the top most step of the bus.

Bloody hell. So naturally i flew down the two steps, fell onto the pavement and the hand i was using to break my fall splashed into mud and got the carrier i was holding dirty in the process.

Thank god my clothes didnt get dirty.

me: what the hell is your problem? was there a bloody necessity to bloody push me?

her: in a rush

me: so? you like it if i pushed you just because i want to be a few seconds faster?

her: -gives me indifferent look-

me: arent u even going to bother to apologize?

her: no, accident mah.

me: so which part of accidently pushing isnt pushing to you?

her: ROLLS EYES AT ME

So i did what any normal person would do at a point of time like that. i slapped her.

I was fucking pissed. My knee was throbbing, my hand was bleeding and i had just been publicly humiliated. Duh, some form of payback was in order.

Plus she was one of those wanna-be ah lians, the type i cant stand so it was just as well.

Far fetched as that sounded, it was true. People these days.

And work wasnt relaxing either. Nearly 20 cartons of new stuff came in. We were literally busy the entire day. Needless to say, im aching all over now.

Least i exchanged a few archie comics with Ping. = )

My skin is so dry, its dehydrated. Thank god (and Ping) for body butter.

Stocks coming in tomorrow, for real this time. Horror. Comfort dressing tomorrow. Tee, baggy jeans, sneakers and minimal accessories.

Going to be a busy day. Urg.

Bought the banana yellow Miss Sixty jeans today. Gonna get it cut into 3/4s. It was affordable, something like 50 bucks. Almost everyone in miss sixty has/is intending (to get)/is still considering (to get) those jeans so yeah, there you go.

Heard Zouk was a disappointment yesterday. Too experimental music or something like that. ah heck, doesnt even concern me.

Im being so contradictive.

And yes, MY BLOG IS PHOTO DEPRIVED!!

But!

I have three photo-whoring-confirmed outings lined up. Um. Makan, movie and KTV. booyah!

I will never be a bookie, nor am i cut out to be one.

Anyway.

Work as usual. Just found out Lucky Plaza's Nana Thai's beef kuay tiao is FANTASTIC. Heaven in your mouth man.

No i didnt touch the beef. i just tried some out of someone's lunch. MY lunch tomorrow.

Bought the rotten shorts today. Queue for the bloody dressing room was soooooo long. $67.50. Crap.

-but im happy.

Im seriously seriously NOT going to spend unnecessarily anymore. And im taking the Crumpler bag out of my want list. Its either bag or Miss Sixty jeans. (If i spend anymore, may i be struck down by lightning and ran over by a car.)

Jeans win hands down, duh.

Or both, if dad strikes 4D or i somehow come onto some inheritance. Or find a bag of cash on the floor.

ARGH. Bloody Cleo so lied to me (and everyone else!). The Kate Spade handphone strap is NOT $20. Its $100. I went to the shop happily thinking i can walk out with a new strap but oh no. Bah. Can i sue Cleo for trauma for the price of two handphone straps? Lol.

KTV straight after work. We were like a bunch of mad monkeys in the room. Didnt take pictures tho, completely forgot about the camera in my bag. Duh.

Received a letter from Ngee Ann. Have to go for orientation on 21st April.

Question: So why bother to send it to me so early?

*shrugs* There's going to be a 4D 3N camp that i can sign up for.

HAHAHAHA.

As if. I mean, im psyched im into the school and all but uh, camp? Way to 'go-school-go!' spirit for me. People are going to think im obsessed and everything.

Its ok if people make friends first and blah blah. I'll take my time and come out at my pace.

James Lavelle spinning at Zouk tonight. Ha. Everyone's going to be so stoned tomorrow.

New stocks on Monday.

Posted at Heeren today.

Queen's Couture, my all time favourite shop, is EXPANDING!!!.

They took over Mambo (thank god) so the store is going to be huge. Buahaha.

Bought a top from there today. Not the diamonte studded one though, i saw it only two days ago and now its sold out! Bah.

And i promised myself i wouldnt spend. shit.

During dinner i walked around and quelle surprise, i want to buy a pair of shorts from Flash n Splash. 75 bucks. argh. please please have the 30% thingy.

Bought 12 subway cookies so we're all getting fat as i type. Shared it among the Heeren people. Just 3 of us. urg im pathetic but i dont care.

oh and, olinda cho was in Energie today. she was carrying this HUGE Louis Vuitton duffel-thing. make it a Gucci or Kate Spade and id have robbed her. lol.

speaking of kate spade, i dont want the burberry handphone strap no more. i want the kate spade one! its in cleo. cheaper and cuter.

KTV tomorrow! booyah!

The extremely childish loser who uses the email add monateo_@hotmail.com is at it again. god im irritated! thanks clara for letting me know!

(so people, please please please for god's sake DONT ADD THE LOSER OK?!)

its been what, two years now? hello!!! arent you sick of it yet?

obviously i realize this person is trying to ruin my rep etc etc but let me pretend i care. im moving on to poly so go on, continue to ruin my name since you're evidently dislike me so much. i cant give a fuck about the people (with certain exceptions) in northview anymore so yeah,

I DONT CARE WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT ME.

go on, play your sick little game. sure you've fooled and may continue to fool some people but remember, what goes around comes around. if say one day i get my hands on you, imma sue your ass off for impersonation and slander.

anyway.

went to malaysia for shopping. the shopping centre was on par with northpoint so we know never to go back there again. we went mad in watsons because there was a sale and everything was dirt cheap. got a tote for about seven bucks? buahaha.

AND.

YOU CAN GET ABSOLUT VODKA THERE -THE BIG BOTTLES MIND YOU- FOR JUST 25 SING DOLLARS!!!!!

oh.my.god. how cheap is that?

next time, next time.

more stuff on my want list. shit. must-save-for-unnecessary-laptop.

you know something? im not going to let bloody time stand in MY way. what the hell, im not losing my friend just because of well, time!

like everyone says, im a spoilt determined person who always has to have MY way so yeah, screw time. im keeping my friends.

Went to Watsons, watsons, and managed to spend nearly 45 minutes.

The big ass one in Taka. Went with Jane and we poked around the shelves questioning everything and anything.

Ranting time..

Why is it that we sometimes try so hard to hold on to stuff that we know will eventually just die out or fade out of presence?

Why do we even bother using so much energy and effort in trying? Its like holding on to water in cupped hands- it'll all spill out no matter how cupped and steady we keep our hands.

And the existance of things that will always be a constant reminder of our loss like MSN and such.

Is it human nature? That it is just in us to keep on trying and trying because since the dawn of time, we've always been greedy and have to have everything?

Or is it our individual characters? That some people wont but some people will still try?

Or is it our pragmatic sides, telling us that its plain dumb to let things that mean so much to us go just like that simply because time and space are the barriers? Especially since all barriers can be crossed?

Or is it our sentiments, that just wont let us free ourselves from our pasts, and the people and things that make it up? Because some of those people and things mean too much to let go?

Shit. I hate to get so sentimental-ly emotional. But yeah, after re-reading that entire chunk im guessing the answer to my question would be a little of each.

Answering my own questions. Im going nuts.

Like hell im not talking about boy-girl relationships. Right now im happy single.

Its just that certain friendships that were once thriving are now slowly fading to black, corroded by once again, time and space. Its sad if you think about it. Everything that went in, all those years, all that time, gone.

it really makes one think. Because out of say 10 friendships, im guess only 2-3 lasts for years, and 1 or even none are lifelong. If so, then what's the whole bloody point in dabbling with that tricky temptress- friendship?

Im guessing (again) that it would be 'cause no one really wants to be alone all the time, everyone NEEDS friends at certain points of time and that, sometimes you just like certain people.

Sigh. I know what im ranting about because sadly enough, im going through it. im slowly losing my friends, and im powerless to stop it. and one of them is one of my best friends. thinking about it is melancholic.

such proves the age-old statement

"time will test all boundaries"

Had the misfortune to run into another person who seriously freaked me out. i was listening to my ipod and walking to the MRT station minding my own damn business -not even looking around at people and things mind you- when this thing started speaking to me.

FROM BEHIND ME.

Scary can?! He was like "miss you're very pretty."

I ignored, pretending my music was on too loud to hear.

"miss turn around"

Wah lao. when i heard that i ran into northpoint. no joke. im not trying to brag or anything but i was really creeped out for some reason.

pretty my ass. i was dressed like hell, my hair wasnt done properly and heck, my makeup was slapped on. god knows what would have happened if i turned around.

urg. thinking about it gives me the shivers.

anyway.

work was ok today. ate japanese for lunch and lazed around in the pantry during dinner. ah bliss.

Miss Sixty perfume ($56 for 50ml, $69 for 75ml) just came in today, along with shower gel ($18), body spray ($10) and body lotion ($18). affordable aint it?

it smells nice. sweet yet kinda musky.

R&B at Phuture next Weds!

Referring to the bloody bengs who work in Lucky Plaza of course.

I went there during break with Jane and they'd shout "hi!!!" or make the stupid "smerp smerp" sounds. And we werent even looking or better yet, knew the shop was in existence, much less go near enough to give the buggers a reason to creep us out.

Urg.

The only shop i went to was a handphone one. seriously considering trading in my phone for a pink/black razr. or something slim la, mine is way too rounded and fat.

like owner, like phone. HAHA.

went to Isetan cause they were having some sale and we each got the Fancl makeup remover. you know the one on TV which commercial involves and egg and mascara?

IT FREAKING ROCKS.

For the first time ever, removing my really super-water proof mascara is effortless. apply the oil and wash off with water. i repeat, all.gone. I totally recommend it. $30 for 120ml. WORTH EVERY LAST CENT.

anyway. pics from work again!

omg act cute.

pay attention to our ears.

i designed the left pincushion. maybe tt's why it looks weird.

ah lian sial. lol me and hana.

aye??

i like this job. LOL

I cant say i told you so, because its far too late and at this point of time, saying something so insensitive is heartless. I just never got a bigger shock in my entire life. At this point of time all any of us can do is pray for you and hope that you'll pull through.

Im not really in the mood to do anything but blogging keeps me occupied. better than obsessing,

work yesterday. went to meet jane after work. headed down to hereen to wait for everyone.

realized we overshot the time and everyone left without us but we bumped into her friends who gave us a lift down.

entrance fee was waved last night because they were voted top 5 nightspots of the year or something like that. house all the way and i worship joshua, he's a freaking good dancer. didnt drink much, which was just as well.

and then at around midnight, i got that damn call. rushed off and didnt get home till late. feel like a complete loser for leaving so early but given the circumstances, sigh.

On MC today. woke up with a high fever, constant nausea and even my freaking eye was swollen. must have been the old dude coughing next to me. gross.

i now know what's it like to be so afraid till the extent you cant even cry, or do anything at all. just please, pull through.

Went to town.

And no, i havent bought the jacket, yet. I keep hearing Jane's logic

"with the amount you can go buy 10 tops"

playing repeatedly in my head, thus the hesitation.

We had breakfast on her account (which btw was really sweet of her) at the Crystal Jade dim sum thing. Two words: Fucking full.

After that we went to get out hair done at Le Salon where her boyfriend works. Call me a mountain recluse but i only knew today that they can charge up to $600 for a haircut.

Of course that would be by this famous stylist but even simple haircuts is at an average of $100.

We got a really good deal on the hair thing.

I did a blueblack base with reddish highlights (no it does not look as lian as it sounds) and she did a brown base with ash-blond streaks/highlights.

Manicure/pedicure after that. Strip was having a promotion of $35 for FULL mani/pedi so duh, who'd give up a chance like that? Clara, very cheap hor? :P

It was on me this time. You know what they say, one good turn deserves another.

Urg that sounded really corny.

So that ends my beauty afternoon.

Went to dinner with my family at some Teppenyaki place at Jurong Hill and im feeling fucking full for the second time today.

Zouk tomorrow. What shoes do i wear??

Its surreal to be online this early and seeing lots of orange msn boxes flashing at my taskbar but what the hell.

I got in!!

Thank you God and everything else! Thank you Ngee Ann people, i freaking love you!! Im so freaking happy im going to go nuts later.

And.

Nanyang accepted me through the JSPAE.

My goal in life has been accomplished. If i die later, i'd have gone in peace.

So far, MISS SARAH ONG has gotten into CMM or CCM at TP and im really happy for her. She was the first to pm me online this morning and what can i say, she totally derserves it! omg la well done babe!

Felicia is another one. MI. I bet she's like, smirking behind the com screen. And Shida, congrats too!

Oh my god. Must have been my mom's like prayers and everyone else wishing me well. Esp. to Clara and Sarah (hey that rhymes). They're the sweetest people i know. How many people can be genuinely happy for you? Anyone comes and says anything bad about them and imma punch your lights out. Clara, hope you get into the course you applied for as first choice.

Imma like go bathe and slowly get ready to go out.

Update when i get home

Im feeling a frenzy of emotions, nerves currently being the most dominant one.

Results out in 6hrs 25 mins.

Ive decided.

If i get into ngee ann, i'll celebrate by going crazy buying stuff tomorrow (inclusive of miss 60 jacket).

If i dont *TOUCH WOOD*, i'll make myself feel better by spending copious amounts of money on stupid things and worrying about it later (inclusive of miss 60 jacket).

Please please please let me in.

I will sleep soon. Im going to start chewing my table if i stay up to wait. Which no way in hell i will do because im going to get my hair done tomorrow with Jane. or towning basically.

Work was ok today. Very quiet. Ate a little sushi at lunch and went to Taka with Azri and Joshua to get takeaway dinner.

Did see a nice belt at Diesel, but its ridiculously priced at $199 which is much much more than im willing to spend.

East Coast thing postponed to next weds.

GOOD LUCK ALL!

Ye gads how the mind narrows with age.

Posting results on Friday after 8 am.

Im contemplating which way to get my results. Definitely not calling so its either mail or webbie.

Mail: Imagine ripping open that thick package and squealing with happiness ala American College.

Webbie: You dont have to wait for the post. Less nail biting and more ah-fuck-it-whatever.

I think im going webbie. I cant wait for mail and i have to go my hair.

Got a super good deal on a 75ml bottle of Anna Sui Secret Wish perfume. Retail prices at $113, i got it at $64.

I want a Burberry handphone strap. Come to think of it, i want a new phone.

Wore my new shoes to work. BIG MISTAKE. My feet were literally fucking killing me. I could barely get home.

Anyway,

Congrats to Ping! You did well babe!

1 day to East Coast
2 days to freaking posting
2 days to new hair
3 days to Zouk

And how much do i love the track Organ Donor by DJ Shadow?