i think the act of me writing "filial piety." for a 10 mark question today couldnt be more appropriate a marker of the last day of school (in a sense that i dont have to physically go back to school).
it feels weird, not in a bad way, just a it-feels-weird kinda weird. no more lecture halls, no more trudging up the hill to FMS cursing like i was a melting snowman, no more smoking with ____ in the stairwells at 56, no more sticking of voodoo pins into soap dolls fashioned into group mates' likeness and no more snickering at weird ass outfits (including my own).
for the sake of TRYING to invoke some sense of nostalgia -something ruiming claims i do not have- i went to read the very blog post i wrote regarding school.
it seemed i liked lectures (good god), managed to destroy my ipod mini by failing to cap a bottle of 100 plus properly, went for track (my my!) and got pass not knowing how to use my laptop (which incidentally has really been through thick and thin with me the past 3 years).
it has been interesting. it's pretty hard to take that all there is to show for 3 years worth of blood, sweat, blackened lungs and $6000 is just a piece of paper that declares me as a Ngee Ann Mass Comm graduate.
now, about a month left to rack up as much internship gear -as ying puts it- possible, finish up driving for good, lose 5-10kg and catch up on all the sleep i've been missing out on the last 3 years.
after that, i'm off into the cold, cruel world to slog it out for minimum pay and (hopefully) maximum work experience.
and then i'll be done with Ngee Ann for good.
whoa.
like it isnt bad enough i have to experience it in real life, ive got to go dream about too.
peachy.
there's been so much negativity in the past 24 hours that i will think of positive stuff now.
there's:
-suit shopping with the finky
-Skinny Dinner with sy
-a photojourn assignment to finish by thursday
-arab street-ing with ying
-a party to plan
its funny, ok not so funny, how late nights and an imbalance of hormones can causes one to plunge into the pits of depression (rather, extreme unhappiness because depression is severe but in this case is the perfect word) so easily.
i imagine it would be like being in Azkaban, where the lowest and most terrible points in your life keep flashing by in your head like a lousy movie you're stuck watching- you dont want to, but you're just stuck there.
its almost comical how the smallest of things can cause the most massive of all mood swings.
i need a cigarette or two.
i wish i could go to a cliff, one that is reddish, and where i'll be facing a very orange sunset. the earth beneath my feet will be crumbly, but firm, and the air alive with sounds of the desert. i will be wearing monochrome preferably, with a splash of colour for shoes.
i will be alone.
and then i will step off the cliff, but i wont fall, and i wont die. i'll just fly off to goodness knows where because the wind will be able to carry me. in my head i will be thinking "the hell with all of you", and from the moment my feet left the ground, all chains (metaphorical) that bound me to the earth will have vanished and then i'd be free.
maybe if i thought about it enough, i'd dream it later. its better than nothing.
