endless lit streets and paper cranes

Char, Mihu, Steve and Mok just left my place and im sitting in front of my lappie in Steve's shirt which looks 10 times hotter on me so im keeping it. Ha.

In fact, im going to wear it to Sabby's later. After i wash it, that is. His cologne is nice but it just aint me. I'll take Anna Sui over it anyday.

I woke up today and got the fucking biggest scare of my life. Steve was curled up like some dog at my feet on the bed. wtf. any other normal person would just wake me up and ask me to shove over but noooooooo, he has to be THE ONLY ONE to pull a dog. -.-

Yesterday was seriously fun. I swear i love those guys. Id trust them with my freaking life. Very corny but they complete me lah. Singyi's the siao one, Steve's the humor, Char's the random pretty-ness, Mok's the gamer-smart-ass and Mehul's the vegetarian. =P kidding. Mehul's the somewhat serious and somewhat kooky bit who keeps a level head. See? If you put us all together you have THE perfect person.

Righto anyway.

No pics again. Yesterday's all with Char and Poptart's with Singyi. Raar i wish my camera were still alive. Actually it is, the LCD is just cracked. -.-

Met up with Char, Mehul, Singyi and Mok first to go get Steve's gifts. We bought him a card and stuck 6 guitar picks in it. All the best to Polaroid dude! I know im still gonna hang around and snicker but yeah. No malice!

Then we went to Taka to buy him a shirt.

Gave the stuff to him afterwards and we went to NYDC to eat and chill and stuff. He's a more disgusting fella than i thought. Its so gross im not writing it here. Who knows what little kid reads my blog?

Then we went to Far East (shopping centre) to shoot pool. The place was effing sleazy. Ok not sleazy like prostitute sleazy but there were bengs everywhere. THATS SLEAZY AT ITS WORST. And it was damn cold! I thought no air conditioning could be colder than the one in the radio workshop but i was wrong.

It was fun lah. Was there for about two hours doing stupid things. We bought food cause we were cold. Eee my beef hor fun wasnt nice. No taste and not spicy. cheat my feelings. =x

Then we left and came over to my place. Singyi and i kept mugging Steve on the train. We sagn happy birthday damn loudly over and over again. rahahaha.

Steve kept bugging me to change the picture of him on my blog so if you notice, its not longer the nice funny one. OH WELLS. Singyi left around 12 and i crashed at 3-ish. Dno about the others except that Steve's munching woke Mihu up. ahaha.

Alrighty. Im going to go wash Steve's shirt so i can wear it out later.

Its the crack of the dawn but im up.

Poptarts was better than i expected.

we ponned school and chilled at Rae's and then went over to Sabby's to prepare. It was funny the way we were shoving each other away for the mirror. Yes, guys too. =P

No pictures yet.

Took a bus from Sabby's. Something got into me and Singyi and we kept doing twit poses. Heck, we even came up with a twit version for Barney's "I love you, you love me" song. rahaha.

Reached Dhoby and met up with DESMOND TAN HIANG MIN. damn i havent seen him in ages. im glad you went Des, and im sorry if you were bored. raaah. we'll have a proper catch up session some day aite?

Set off for Fort Canning. I freaking hate all the damn steps. Quoting Shafik, Why cant they build escalators?

Good question.

FMS!

So it was pretty boring at the beginning. We even wanted to leave after half an hour. The food was like gone, the bazaar was uh.. actually there was this shirt i kinda liked but i needed the money for the cab ride home so. OH WELLS.

Things perked up after 9 when they started playing better music and when the years 2s started to dance. So there was this "mood" in the air and, i dno, we all got kinda high i guess. Went to the front and started dancing and dancing. I was feeling the calories drop off me. Ahaha. ok jumping in heels is not a very smart thing to do but thank God i didnt fall or anything.

Jeremy was SUPER HIGH. Which was a catching thing. Haha we even started a conga line, which kept breaking up but nevermind.

Dancing with the girls was fun. We all go clubbing one day kays?

And now for the highlight of the night.

I know i complain alot. In this blog. about how i wish was thinner, about how i wish i had money to spend, about how lucky other people are etc.

If i sit down and think about it properly, ive actually got a really good life going for me. Good school, good course, great friends, relatively normal family, health etc.

And Timmy. I dont think im lucky to have him. Im blessed.

I, i, i dont even know how to being typing this. Im at a loss for words.

I'll use the term 'lucky', even though i prefer 'blessed' but fine not everyone can accept 'blessed'.

if there was anything in the world that could re-write the definition of 'lucky', it would be those few moments last night.

Those few moments when Timmy called me to go out to the gate, those few moments when i finally got what is was that he was driving me crazy with suspense with.

Especially that moment when he held out a bouquet of roses.

I started crying. And i couldnt stop, even after he went to get admission and even after i rejoined my friends. what the heck, im crying as im typing this.

do you want to know what it felt like? it felt beyond romantic. it was a singular gesture that said so much and will leave but a beautiful memory. This is one of things you'll never forget y'know? Its right up there with your first kiss, first car etc.

It felt like, i dno, a whole tangle of emotions just flooded me and it was completely overwhelming. yes of course i was very touched. deeply. no one else has ever bothered to do so much for me. oh yes pretty sad but hey, things are changing. =)

I felt love, of course, and joy, and wonder at how someone could be so amazingly sweet.

I also felt fear. so so so much fear of losing him. its not one of those silly relationships you can get over in a week or a few days, nope.

But you know what, fear or not, i love this boy and im willing to go through whatever that may come our way together with him.

Hello Timmy!

You were right, id find out anyway and oh gosh it was so worth the wait. You're one amazing amazing person you know that? You ask how i can love someone like you, and i ask you, how can i not? Thank you so much!

Im glad that, despite the apprehension, that i allowed myself to fall for you. Hard.

And im even more glad, and thankful, that later, i let myself love you. With all my heart. Its a first. You know how sometimes you say "i love you" to another person because they say it to you first and that you dont want to hurt them? this is definitely not one of those times. I LOVE YOU!!

Im seriously at a loss for words now. Which doesnt really happen. Timmy, i love you so very much. You make all the mistakes ive made in the past worth it. Im willing to give you everything, and sacrifice anything along the way if i have to. It maybe a childish thought, but i really hope that you're my last.

And i was right. About how maybe id get what love is for the first time. I did. It wasnt the roses that promted this, it was that singular gesture you made. You could have given me anything, a marshmellow or have had written something behind an old reciept and id still have cried and written all this anyway.

The short of it all,

I love you beyond all words, and beyond all descriptions.

even Shakespear or Goethe or Keats could put what i feel into words.

hiex~!!!

wiEe arE aT rAe'S plaCe n0wz. poN sk0ol leHx. skOol kAnaSaii~. 2dAeZ wE verY noRtiee cOz wE neV3r cUm tO clAsSz. duuNc teLlz tEachEr noRx. sHhhH. keKekEz.

wO meN atE piZza 4 lUnCh. yUm yuMx~ buT deN hoRz, $28 leHz. cB piZza so fCukiNg (caNnot uSe vulGariTies mArh. keKe. i PromIse deAr deAr alRedii~) eXpenSive Sial. dE monEy cAn uSe gO faR eaSt shoppiNg.

lAtEr goIng poPtaRts woRx. muSt weAr unTil kAwAii neHhzzz. bUt mOi duunCh wanT to sAy lAtEr nO suRpriSe keKeke. i See siNgYi dE ouTfiT siBeh HoT siAl. moI jEaloUs woRxXx!!

hAizzZ. noW raIniNg. sAd lEix. siiGh. dE raIn reMind mE of deAr deAr. haIix.

laO goNg iF yoU reAdiNg thIs, moI miSs yoU woRz. ii wAnT tO huGz yoU noRx. i reAlli miSs dE tiMe iM wiF yoU leIx. keKez tAkee CarE aT woRk K? wEn u HurT yoUrseLf moI heArt pAin paIN =( siGh i wiiSh oUr luRbe wil| lAsT 4eVeR anD wE wiLl neVer brEak uP. pLs proMiiSe mii thaT yoU wiLl luRbe moI foRevEr toO woRx. muAcKxZxXzz_*

kEkez. i gO paRa paRa wiF my fWenS noW.

buAybUay!!

muAcKSs.

pS: i lUv moI dAr dAr 101% (hEheX seE moRe thAn 100 lEix. *blUsh*) dar dAr iiSh shUaI. heHex.

~.~*moNa*~.~

Crunchy eh? You're one sick, sick child Singyi.

Tsk.

Didnt sleep last night. Was up the whole night basically staring blankly into space. My brain was being funky. Everytime i lay down to think, my mind would wander to random things, like how messy the desk is and how the pile of clothes on the other bed resembled a dead person in the dark. The alcohol didnt really help either. =/

Didnt get any thinking done at all, but i did get a clean room out of it.

Its funny how when you DONT want to think, then the thoughts start flooding in. Like in the cab on the way to RP. Had my lappie with me, so i started Word and typed for the full 10 minute cab ride. Sorted out some thoughts and i hope i'll stop screwing up in the future.

Forgive me if i do but slap me when i do, too.

So anyway.

No classes today, so i went to RP again to accompany Singyi during her break. Shida came into her class. Like, lol. First Rajiv and then Shida. who's next?

Stayed there until 2 and then i cabbed home. Fuck i have to stop wasting money on cabs.

Been in front of the tv and looks like im going to be here for the next half hour too. The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, my favourite. Whee.

Well. Looks like the weekend is going to be busy again.

Friday- Class and Poptarts.
Sat- Steve's bday celebration and sleepover.
Sun- Church and Sabby's open house.

Now, a little indulgence.

You sad prick. get a life. you're so childish that you make my brother look wise beyond his years. honey, being spiteful just isnt becoming anymore. tsk.

im deeply ashamed of myself. whatever wandering spirit that momentarily possessed me for those few months, it certainly didnt like me and clearly wanted to see me make a damn fool out of myself. sigh.

and the sad part was, it wasnt even worth it!

goodness.

but hey. at least im over it, mr-im-very-happy-now.

(and just so you know, i threw that last bit in cause i wasnt sure if your amazingly gigantic ego would let you believe that yes, I AM actually talking about YOU.)

Im damnx10 sure that IF you read this, you'll snicker and go "who's the childish one now?" and maybe even snort in disbelief (like i said, EGO) but what they hey. Writing all that felt so good! Why, i felt like i just ate a tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream!

heck, i dont care if i AM being childish, at least im not in denial. x)

Hello all.

I would like to say that, i feel like shit.

Either its the haze, or that im not getting enough nutrition or whatever, but i KEEP FREAKING FEELING UNDER THE DAMN WEATHER.

I ate lunch, the first lunch i ate in goodness-knows-how-long.

And i puked out the first lunch i ate in goodness-knows-how-long. #%*&^%*$$#*@$%.

tummy's feeling funky. this is not a good sign. =x

yeah anyway.

I woke up at 4 this morning to the scariest sms in my LIFE. I went from my sleeping position to my knees in less than 2 seconds flat and started to pray. Thank you Lord, that nothing happened. i wouldnt say i was over-reacting but STILL. got a shock back there. ok, scare.

and dont even think about apologizing.

i overslept, thus i did not bother going to school. nyahahaha. aiya wednesday whaaat. IS only. =x

(and i would like to add that some crazy fuck is like, opera singing now. funky neighbours.)

anyway.

went to RP to visit Singyi during her breakout cause i was bored and she was bored. ahahha. the school is huge. its so easy to get lost! plus, everything looks the same. like seriously, im not exaggerating.

crashed her class until 2 and then i cabbed home. saw Rajiv. i almost didnt recognize him.

daddy was like, other people's school you go, your own school you dont go. what's this....

like, LOL. he's just bitter he wasnt able to drag me out of bed this morning. first time in quite a while. i think he's attempting at some personal record or something. yes i love my daddy much even if he does irritate the hell out of me at times.

Singyi, im sorry if i end up not going to your school again tomorrow. i'll see how i feel k? i'll try my best. i know how bored you get and, after today, i can see why. =/ and dont even think about going "mony! stay at home and rest! its ok! i can entertain myself!!" cause i know you will say EXACTLY that. best friend intuition, nyahahaha. aiya. i'll be ok by tomorrow for sure. all i need is sleep. =)

Timmy, i appreciate how sweet you're being by wanting to visit me and buying me food and stuff the minute you heard i wasnt feeling well. i was like, awwwww. i hope i didnt hurt your feelings when i was attempting to dissuade you from coming to look for me. i can be quite the insensitive and ungrateful ass at times. =x you can ask daddy, he'll vouch for that. LOL. i just didnt want you coming all the way to yishun (raining somemore) when you're still not feeling well yourself. cause really, all i need is sleep. i love you much! you're a very very nice boy. xP

imma go rest now.

hello. again.

wait ah. before i continue.

Happy Birthday Erika!

i should be bathing now. like, SHOULD, cause i said i was going to bathe but i dno. didnt feel like it lah. i will tho, after this entry

there wont be much happening from now till i sleep that's blog worthy so i'll just blog now.

actually come to think of it nothing in my life is blog worthy, cause i dno, one man's meat is another man's poison right?

oh damn resorting to tired cliches. wtf.

went to Timmy's in the afternoon.

mutha-fucking-rain. I THINK MY SHOES ARE RUINED. nbcb. the suede feels funny. fuuuuuck.
serves me right for not just wearing flipflops. actually not really my fault, i left the house with my brother and father debating where to go for dinner. i mean, go town how? later everyone dress nicely and i look like crap next to them.

actually, since when did i care? i mean, i wore my nvss pe shirt and sleeping shorts to vivo city before. ahaha.

okok i'll stop contradicting myself.

they ended up going to dinner without me cause they couldnt get through. thank you reception. actually, i missed out on major calories so its not like i should be complaining.

picked me up from Timmy's and then went home.

and im here.

i think Steve is going to marvel yet again at my ability to blog about nothing. cause all i wanted to say was

I should start a diary.

and

my brain is on overload.

which means i really need to go bathe and er, enjoy the cold water or something. bye all.

freaking class at 8 tomorrow.

Good morning!

Happy Hari Raya!

Was unusually tired last night, so i kinda crashed after lying down for a while. tsk. guess im more tired than i feel.

But im ok now. really hyper in fact. too much sleep!

Righto. shall blog about yesterdaaaay.

Uhhh.

met Timmy in the morning (haha i so love that he lives like, a little further down the road from where my daddy works.) and went to school.

i was having a fashion crisis (yah lah i know its ONLY school) so i raided my brother's cupboard and er, borrowed his stripped shirt. whee. i love that i can wear his stuff and that he cant wear mine.

muahahha.

anyway. was a little late for speech comm lecture and we got freaking locked out. couldnt take the pop quiz. that pissed me off caused i actually studied the night before. and i heard it was easy. nbcb. i wanna do better this sem to make up for my damn GPA for last sem.

so. socpsych was boring shit. thank god Singyi was online. ahahha i love crapping with her. socpsych, as Mok would put it, is a joke. i mean, we were both listening to songs. ahh the perks of sitting in the last row. =x

had writtcomm tutorial. we got to leave after everyone presented. that was damn fast. under an hour somemore.

made an impromptu decision to go to Geylang for the bazaar thing with Char to buy kebayas for Sabby's open house. we ended up in the atrium waiting for Rae. Hope you're feeling ok Rae!

was up in the library with Timmy and Peter while they did their writcomm thingy and i used my amazing powers of persuasion to drag Steve out of the house and to come meet us. i miss you lah dude.

sooo. Char, Mok, Nigel, Mihu and I went to Clementi and waited for the perpetually late Steve. Singyi was on time. why cant you be more like her huh? You freaking stay in chinese gardens! that's damn near clementi!

Timmy came along too. and school was flooded according to him. nyahnyahnyah lucky we left before it poured. Char's and my shoes would have been ruined. 0_o

and cause of the rain, we nixed the geylang idea. im sure i can borrow a kebaya from someone.

went to town instead.

Ate at Carl's Junior. (nothing much to say about that lah.)

and then we went to go play pool at meridien (is that how its spelt?)

steve and mihu. raaar mihu beat steve. rahaha.

if i had Xj's $1400 camera, im sure this would have looked damn cool.

....

yeah had loads of fun lah. Sy and Steve are an unbeatable duo. as in, not pool but entertainment. very funnnyyyyy. i <3 those guys man.

went home after a few games.

"sent" Timmy home cause he wasnt feeling good. raaaar. please take care you sillyboy.

going home from his place is surprisingly easy. the bus stopped at yishun mrt and i cabbed home from there. rahaha.

************************

daddy's trying to get us to go to climb something later. crazy. yay i can use haze as an excuse not to go. "mona" and "outdoor activities" just dont go together. its against the laws of nature!

actually i dont know why i didnt get the "outdoorsy" genes. my whole family are nuts about exercise and stuff. me, i rather exercise by putting on a pair of heels and walking around town for a few hours with Singyi. hey walking in heels tones your legs k.

yay ok im done.

i love you!

Good morning everyone!

Yesterday. i shall blog about yesterday.

hmm. let's see.

was feeling like shit in the morning so i gave church a miss.

went to town in the late evening with my family. havent spent time with them in ages. anyway.

bought the latest gossip girl and a list. gossip girl is a damn let down. fucking cecily von ziegasar fucking let a fucking ghost writer take over the fucking series. nbcb. CANT SHE JUST WRITE THE LAST 2 BOOKS HERSELF. VERY HARD IS IT. argh.

an obvious solution would be to stop buying, but i wanna see how the series ends. one book is like, $20, and ive bought all 10 so far. $20x10= $200

$200?! wtf.

At least A List was good.

i got a pair of jeans too. i wanted the sweater, but i couldnt decide if i looked good in it so i decided i looked funky. save money lah.

went for dinner afterwards and then went home.

Timmy came over at around 11 after his dinner. yay. i love hanging out with the silly boy. *mwaaaaahs.

lol like twit sial.

anyway.

we woke up at around 9 to my dad banging around the kitchen and pouring coffee. no consideration for sleeping people. i mean, like my mom and brother were sleeping too lah. halfway start vacuuming somemore. amazing.

got up to read the papers and then went back to my room to chill. lol camwhore. zommmmgg.

rahahaha. -poke.

OKAY. FAMILY TIME.

wow im so good today.

*edit

Shall add in some stuff.

Firstly, REVENGE.

go on, go awwww! I COMMAND YOU TO.

rrrrrrr.

i believe there's a twittish one somewhere but OH WELL. i am kind. =P

iloveyoutoo! much!

Will do the survey thing Steve is bugging me to do. i just realized its fucking long. thanks ah dude.

My teacher once said that he wanted to send poison to our doorstep if we failed in a particular cheesecake

Never in my life have I regretted not saying hi to a lizard

The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always make me smile is STEPHEN CARLO VERGARA AND QUEK SINGYI

When I'm nervous, I sing yankee doodle

The last time I laughed was when my dad suan-ed my bro. like, 1 minute ago. LOL
My hair is curly and sickening

My feet are UGLY. i have funky feet.

Last Christmas was something i cannot remember how i celebrated. =X

When I turn my head left, my brother's sexy leg in my face

When I turn my head right, i get air kissed by the fan

When I look down, ENOUGH ALREADY.

The craziest recent event was saying yes to oily chicken and ice cream. zomg.

By this time next year, I will be getting ribbed by Singyi and Timmy for not being 18 yet.

I have a hard time understanding why Steve keeps going on and on about the damn fly

One time at a family gathering, i had fun listening to my dad and uncle suan my aunt.

You know I like you if I dont sneer at you. behind your back or otherwise.

If I won an award, the first person I'd thank is Ben and Jerry's for being there for me. most likely lah.
Triangles are triangles

My ideal breakfast is non existant cause i dont take breakfast.

If you make me really happy I'll kiss you. go on, make me happy!

I wanna visit NEW YORK CITY, MANHATTEN
Girls are the opposite of boys

I'd stop my wedding if im expected to give my parents grandchildren

The world could do without incubus!
I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than turn twit
The most recent thing I bought myself is a pair of jeans

The most recent thing someone bought for me is a pair of jeans by my mom

My least favourite time of the day is the time my alarm goes off

And by the way, please hold on to the handles in the train. dont fall!

The Attack Of The Evil Sofas who vant to rule zee vorld!

The last person I talked to told me he's gonna bring his guitar on saturday

I should never had flown my grandma's knickers on the flagpole in 6th grade

Last night I stayed up to talk to Timmy =)

There's this girl I know who talks nothing BUT shit. =P

I'll tell the next person who makes me really happy that he/she made me really happy

I'm listening to the man U football manager guy mumbling something

The last thing I ate was oily chicken.

My bedsheet is smelling the way i want it to smell
I smell oily chicken
On my table, there's a whole lot of shit
The last thing I wanna say to a girl is you look fat.

Time for me to go get ice cream. raaar

Happy dude?

Slept all the way till around 8. damn shiok.

just finished the writcomm assignment. whee.

havent done one of these in quite a while.

Name someone with the same birthday as you.
~ mickey mouse. and asri.

Where was your first date?
~ movie theatre. so generic, not memorable and lame movie somemore. =/ sad.

Have you ever seriously vandalised someone's property?
~ nopeee.

Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
~ yes. LOL.

Have you ever sang infront of a large number of people?
~ yep. choir. ahahaha.

What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
~ the way they carry themselves. the more confident the better.

What do you usually order from starbucks?
~ hot latte.

What is your biggest mistake?
~ hmm...

Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
~ yeah. the whole slitting wrist emo shit. dont do that anymore now of course.

Say something totally random about you?
~ i like pie.

Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
~ yeah. BoA. HAHAHA.

Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
~ of course.

Did you have braces?
~ nope.

Are you comfortable with your height?
~ hmm. i guess so. but that's argueable cause i wear heels. i dno. slighly taller would be nice.

What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has said to you?
~ letting go of a dream for me. i teared. =)

When do you know it's love?
~ when i feel it.

Do you speak any other languages?
~ apart from english? Naaaaaaaah.

Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
~ no.

What magazines do you read?
~ cleo and stuff.

Have you ridden in a limo?
~ yup, not mine tho sadly.

Has anyone you were really close with passed away?
~ yup

Do you watch mtv?
~ sometimes

What's something that really annoys you?
~ twits. STAY AWAY. AJA AJA FIGHTING!

What's something you really like?
~ my bed feeling warm in the morning

Do you like SITI NURHALIZA?
~ who dat?

Can you dance?
~ i.guess.so.

Do you have a handphone? what model and who bought it for you?
~ e-530c samsung and mom.

Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
~ NOPE. hope i never will.

What do you wish for?
~ lol world peace. HAHAHA

Anything you wanna say to your friends?
~ can we please go out soon? sy! steve! buffalo starbucks!

Do you have a credit card? master or visa?
~ debit. visa. no credit in it anyways. lol

Anything else?
~ ihavemuchmuchloveinmytummy

i think im coming down with a cold. fuccccck.

thank God for Rock n Roll queen and all the drums and electric guitar shit on my handphone. they kept me awake.

im freaking sleepy. slept only 2 hours last night and i felt like DEATH now.

whee. on the bright side, i dont have radio later and daddy's gonna come pick me up so i can SLEEP.

ahh. bed.. nice bed. =)

in socpsych class now. waiting for everyone to come.

yesterday. hmm.

lessons were alright. actually, it was only speech comm. i like that class. its super fun. i kinda screwed up my speech cause i lost my train of thought. but i HOPE it was ok. im kinda psyched to start the assessed uh, assignment. sales pitch. hmmmm.

stayed back for a while for group work and then a Mok, Nigel, Mihu, Char, Sabby and i went to Holland V. to look at costumes. nbcb. they were all around $100. freeeeeak. that's it. im going as a dead SIA girl. i dont know how to tie an obi, so there goes my drunk geisha idea. =/

Had lunch and went back to school to meet TImmy. we went to watch Death Note. ITS SUPER COOL OK. GO WATCH. but its kinda a twit movie, so the theatre was filled with funky people. Yishun somemore. looool. beng and mat haven.

Went home with Timmy afterwards.

ahh lesson's only 2 hours. and Ms Thomas says we'll end early. THANK GOD.

off to go kinda stone.

HELLO.

uh. class was at. 8 am this morning. #%@&$&*# damn early. super disgusting. and it was only for two hours. wth. like waste time going to school ah.

slacked around after class cause i didnt have to go anywhere till around 5. i think i was driving ling and timmy mad with my "should i go to work"s. lolllll.

i went in the end. happy ling?

Timmy sent me to work. awww thank you =)

it was one of those erratic night, as i said to a patron. it was quiet and then WHAM. the crowd hit me like a big yellow school bus. tiring shit. everyone was ordering set meals and like, must serve desserts all so they'll dilly dallly. and then the big table was reserved somemore. -.-

one table stayed there for 3 hours. they left at 11 on the dot as i predicted.

daddy came to fetch me. very random and very unexpected goodwill. hmm.

im currently not logged in to msn YET. i want to go bathe first.im starting to feel sleepy already. shit.

but before i go. i was reading an archie comic and the word "sacrifice" was screaming at me from the page.

it made me wonder. how much would i be willing to sacrifice for the person i love, and would more sacrifice mean that i love the person more? and does the accumalation of the more minor sacrifices total up to be one big gigantic sacrifice?

but most importantly, would i really have to sacrifice something to prove that i love someone?

because 'love' is such a overrated word these days. people throw it around and use it for all the wrong reasons, as and when they like it. its lost its value. im pretty sure that once upon a time, when people said "i love you", they REALLY REALLY meant it. like, REALLY.

read: dinosaur age.

anyway, my point is. in modern times, and because im a "flighty" (according to adults lah) teenager, do my "i love you"s mean any less? and to prove to people that i really DO indeed love someone, would i have to sacrifice a great deal?

actually i dont really care whether people believe i love him or not and i dont feel a need to prove anything but yeah, just food for thought.

and i feel unsettled because as much as i say and know that i WILL sacrifice (god knows what), what if when the time calls for it, im not in a position to do so? and if because of circumstances i dont, does that mean i love him any less?

HMMM.

eh, im never drinking red bull before bed time again.

i love you i love you I LOVE YOU.

and no amount of iloveyous will ever truly be enough.

see this heart?

its yours.

keep it, break it, smash it, protect it, i dont care. because for the very first time, it wont matter what happens because well, it was you that caused something to happen in the first place. and i think, that's all that matters. =)

im really updating for the sake of updating. there's nothing much going on in my life now that school has reopened. i mean, you dont really care who my lecturers are and what they're like, right?

and my blog is like, only read by my friends mostly who are mostly from my course so YOU KNOW ANYWAYS. -.-

but yeah. habit! and practice free writing. lol a little writcomm there.

module one of today. writcomm! mr sharpe is a really nice guy. he's going to make this module interesting, i just know it. of course, i could be slapping myself and swearing at him a few months down the road but yeah. FOR NOW.

then lunch. was sian-ing in the canteen and not wanting to go for Radio. wah cmi first lesson like that already. different radio class as from t110.

Mr Felix Tan is a nice guy too!

he's freaking comical. i think im going to like radio.

went to the library to find Timmy after class. tried to research a little for writcomm presentation but uh. it was like, Clueless. NITHAAAAA. SAVE MEEEEEE.

he sent me home afterwards. =)

"stop inhaling haze idiot girl." lol lol lol.

i think im going to stop updating for the sake of updating. must do something about these itchy fingers.

i feel like saying so much, and yet i dont know which words to use. tsk.

shit i have to be in school tomorrow at 8. what the fuck am i even doing online??

Doing a face mask now. Happy.

LOL VAIN SHIT.

First day was alright la. I mean, school is school. Momentum's coming baaaack.

Went for the FMSS meeting after lectures. like, lol. gave money and left.

Went to go find Timmy in the library. escape from the damn haze of PSI 130. wtf. DAMN YOU INDON TREE BURNERS. fucking selfish lazy asses. make like the Americans and be lumberjacks!!! why, the plaid shirt and chainsaw not cool ah? nbcb.

ANYWAY.

Timmy sent me home. Yay. I love you, you sillyboy, and im not gonna let you send me home when you're hungry. uh. as in, meal-hungry. =P

take cab=waste money. i should know. -.-

saw this evil cockroach in the bus. i hate meeting insects in public. i end up going eeeee and urg and shit and sounding so damn bloody bimbotic. dammitcheesebun.

it was nice being back in school, in a warped kinda way. amidst the shitty projects ETC, i get to see my friends. =)

thank God lessons start at 11 tomorrow. i get to sleep in till at least 9!

i cant think if anything else i should be blogging about, so imma go.

OH YES.

I miss Singyi and Steve already! rahahaha.

and you, of course. =P

HEY CHAR.

just wanted to add on that, we all make mistakes in life and evidently you happened to make a rather stupid one but what the heck. life goes on! screw em all, you dont need em and you CAN do without em! i know you can! have a little faith, and mental imagery does wonders i tell you. hmm. i know how it feels and i know that this period of time isnt going to be easy but you have us, and you have God. and also, its all in the head. if you tell yourself that you're going to be able to do this, you can and you will. dont let the nagging doubts and little whispers in your head ever sway what you need to do, and thats to totally F-O-R-G-E-T and trash all and every bad memory away. dont let your heart rule your head! you can do this, and you'll emerge stronger.

what doesnt break us will make us stronger. you can only see the sunshine after the rain. if it takes a mistake to make you stronger, make more mistakes! (ok that sounds wrong) each storm you weather increases your strength.

be brave darling girl. you'll be just fine. no matter how you may think you're not gonna be able to do it, YOU CAN. CAN CAN CAN CAN CAN.

we're all here for you. 24/7. =)

Today isnt exactly how i pictured my last day of the holidays to be.

i cannot believe school is starting tomorrow. like, where did the 7 weeks go?!

ah well. no point dreading the inevitable. im sure i wont whine so much once the momentum kicks in. and i just checked my timetable, i have nice people in all my classes! whee. IS classes i mean. i have sabby and mihu. yay.

ANYWAY. GOOD MORNING.

lao niang just dragged herself out of a bed an hour ago and am sipping orange juice in a weak attempt to get vitamin C. oh yes. i woke up feeling like #(%(#(@$$ so i went back to sleep and decided to not go to church. i shall offer my thanksgiving at home instead. head's pounding and the world is spiiiiiniiiiiing.

wretched haze. how i wish i could get a giant fan and blow everything back to the damn farmers in damn indonesia. burn trees very fun right?!! nbcb. i hope a flaming tree falls on you and squishes you to death. humph. >=(

work was DAMN FREAKING TIRING YESTERDAY. all the big groups one.

i think i will walk to the market later and buy the black school shoes ive been putting off buying. and get a pair of pants cut into a skirt. MAYBE.

zzzzzz dinner with my paternal side later. grandpa's birthday.

ok maybe i'll walk to the market now. tata!

before i go, pics of the gig at BnJs last thurs. ripped off Singyi's blog. =)

at cafe cartel. char looks super geisha-ish.

sy, me and jeremyyyyyyyyyy.

nope, i dont know why my head's tilted to that funny angle either.

me and jeremy! (yes funky eye i KNOW)

us. again!

me and the very very very pretty char!

LOL. uh. inside joke.

lead vocalist, Jude.

RAAR. my favourite photo. =) very shuai right. whee.

IM OFF.

and where the heck are you hiding ah QUEK SINGYI.

i've a splitting headache. damn the haze. damn you bloody tree burners.

i just got home from vivo city. yep. got dragged out of bed at 10-freaking-am in the morning to GO TO DAMN VIVO CITY. wtf.

it was damn damn damn packed. ok la. i still prefer orchard. at least at orchard, everything is spread out and the people dont congregate in one area.

i got some stuff though, so im not really complaining. whee. =)

thurday

went over to Timmy's place first in the evening and then we set off for changi.

met up with everyone at changi village and we had subway for dinner. fat Des is seriously one heckuva funny guy. its lol all the way when he's around.

hmm. went back to the chalet after that. it felt.. weird. as in, the place.

chilled and watched stephen chow on the malaysian channel. like wtf his shows make NO SENSE. but funny lah. in a senseless way of course.

then at around 12-ish they cracked out the alcohol and upped the music. lol.

went outside at around 2 and met our darling guardian angel of a cat whom we named Smoothie.

1..2..3 awww!

he's the most affectionate stray ive ever met. i mean, he even let me carry him around and hug him.

(and yes bitches i know my nose looks extra huge from that angle. damn wth. IGNORE IGNORE!! =P )

then uh. stuff got kinda weird and poor Smoothie was freaked out. thus all the love you see above. =)

seriously tho, it was freaky. yet. you could feel a whole load of stuff. love and hate. good and evil. it was.. a unique bonding experience.

but. i felt my faith strenghten after that. I love You Jesus. Thank You for everything.

the guys got hungry after that so Tim and i walked to changi village and bought back stuff. bought food for Smoothie too.

but when we got back, some bastard cat chased Smoothie away so we hoped he'd be back in the morning.

we cooked noodles for the rest and then went to rest. damn tired ah.

friday

BATHED FIRST THING WHEN THE SUN ROSE. Not that i was afraid to bathe the night before but didnt get the chance. zomg it felt soooo good to be able to wash the grime off.

squeaky clean, yay!

and Smoothie came back! but he wasnt the same as the night before so im guessing, he really was our guardian angel for the night. i know im starting to sound kooky but its quite cool how he came in the form of a cat. he never left our doorstep and he refused to stay in the house despite me bringing him in and the doors wide open. oh well. he appreciated the meal. probably the first proper one he had in ages.

checked out at around 9-ish and clever me didnt bring my house keys and was locked out. went for breakfast first and then to Timmy's place again and crashed until 7.

cabbed home after that. shit. im seriously BROKE now. and i dont get my pay until the end of the month la. zzzzz.

*****************

ok i seriously dont feel like going to work.

My hands freaking reek of tiger beer. Ive been pouring so many drafts and mugs the novelty is wearing off.

Wait scratch that, its already worn off. =X

Just what the hell is so nice about tiger beer? It tastes like fried rice.

Anyway. Today was super super busy. All big groups somemore. cheeken. if there's anything i hate more than taking orders from big groups, its cleaning up after big groups. bloody plates damn heavy.

and i hate snooty ang moh customers too. bah.

BUT.

like i said, i was in a good mood, despite the complaining above. i wasnt cursing internally at anyone and i didnt even grumble once. hey that's like, seriously good going for me.

ok i have to complain about this, good mood or not. there was this chao ah beng with his damn girlfriend. local.

nb. he looked like he stepped out of some 70s poster. he had center parting, and his hair was long and had a gleam only possible with copious amounts of gel. best, he had on this really step-on-me-NOW!! orange tinted glasses. if he was trying to be John Lennon, Mr Lennon, you may start rolling in your grave like, now.

anyway. the cheap bastard ordered veal sausages which can have an aquired taste. so. he didnt like it obviously, and complained that it was not fresh. cheeken. its not my damn fault you cant get used to the taste of veal you sad loser, there was no need for the funky stare.

so we changed the sausages for him. i bet he couldnt decide which he liked better so he came up with this scheme to get two meals for the price of one. i mean, he did finish half the piece of meat.

i wish i took a photo of him. it was comic i tell you, comic.

OH.

the best part was, he didnt have enough money to pay.

Like,

ROFL.

i overheard him borrowing money from his gf. WAH PIANG. that's damn sad luh. i swear i have no idea what she could possibly see in him. or maybe she's into retro. or maybe she's blind.

other than that, there were lots of nice ang moh couples who made friendly chit chat with me. yay nice people.

no tips though but that's ok. i'm in a good mood!

oh yes, had to wash at least 50 glasses today. the sink kept piling up with empty tiger mugs. tiger. wtf.

but i had great satisfaction in mopping the floor. it felt good seeing the dirt marks disappear.

back's aching like hell now though.

gonna sleep in and then maybe go to the gym or something. and then go watch Timmy play tomorrow at B&Js. =)

Good night!

Good morning world.

oh yes im in a super super super super super super super.. -ah you get the idea- good mood today!

you make me so very happy =)

Maybe it was cause i talked to God, and felt calmer immediately knowing that no matter what, no mattter whatever adversary that may come my way, no matter how alone i may feel even if im not physically alone, no matter how depressed i am, that He will always be there for me.

And that even if i feel i cant go to my parents, my Father in heaven will always always be there for me. Isn't that just amazing? No one else like You Jesus!

And i just found out that one of my long time friends whom i havent spoken to in over a year or more is back in Singapore and has been saved in CHC. Yay!

Although at times i dont feel connected to God, and sometimes i feel im still very out of everything and not "in tune" with everyone, i believe that over time that will pass so i shall not fret over it. And i just got an email about Fashion Ministry so yeah. Happiness. =)

Gonna go collect my pay later. WAHAHHA MONEY. I bet im going to blow it all over the next few days from cabbing around. lol. whatever. It's not going to be much i guess, i'll be happy if it hits $100. i didnt really work there alot in sept.

Work at Jerry's later. I tell you im in such a fantastic mood that NOTHING is going to faze me today. Hell, even if there aren't any tips im not going to mind. Even if i have to wash another one thousand and one cups, i wont mind. LALALALA~

But i'll get irritated when my boss nags me to eat the staff dinner. She doesnt seem to understand the meaning of the damn word "NO". I mean, which nut eats at 11 at night? Will grow fat one can. TSK.

Plans for everyday of the week until school reopens on Monday.

And finally.

I NEED TO DO SOME SERIOUS DIETING. RAAAR.

Tata =)

*streeeeeeetches

im going to be blogging for the sake of blogging so dont say you weren't warned. oh yes, there really isnt going to be anything interesting so you may click on one of the many links you see to the left of your screen and have a nice day. =)

boring day.

didnt sleep a wink last night, i was having conversations with my dad's fishies in the balcony. too bad they havent exactly grasped the fact that conversations are two way. its at times like this i miss Huckle more than ever. i wish he was still around for me hug and stroke and feel his warmth. i wish he was still around so that he'd lick my face and make me feel better. i wish he was still around to meow and demand attention. fucccck i miss the little rascal. i wish he was around. period.

oh yes. my little bundle of fur.

he's like a little stuffed toy.

anyway. i gave up and went to watch telly. oh yes cartoons are good for health.

spent the whole of today in front of the telly again. oh yes so productive.

work tomorrow! im glad i'll be able to get out and do something. staying at home and slacking is boring shit. and its all reruns on tv anyway.

I need to go talk to God. =)

lalala. dad brought home apple pie!

Hello all.

Got up at 12, bathed, changed and went to church =)

actually. i woke up feeling super sian and lazy and was deciding whether to go or not. Thank goodness i went. Special sermon today and i felt God's presence with us.

I decided to go cause i felt i needed to give God a bigfatthanks for listening and answering my prayers over the last few days. I mean, yeah i can do that at home but i dunno, not the right environment.

Went home straight afterwards. Feeling super tired la. I cant wait to sleep in until 4 or something tomorrow.

Not gonna bother with dinner. I dont feel like eating pasta and im not all that hungry. Milk!

Anyway. a few pics from Singyi's birthday outing.

Her with her cake. super cute!

Front view.

Tee hee. This is before we demolished it.

RAAH. the back.

oh yes. what we did to it can be considered criminal.

We tried to restore it. LOL.

Me and the birthday girl!

camwhoring is fun.

i think im the bravest ass around for putting up this photo. i look like $*#%^&#$. but more importantly, im in the middle of my two besties!

trying out Char's gift to Singyi. Tigger speakers!

i like this pic. darn cool. can use for advertisement. lol.

raaar camwhore again.

my braided hair. courtesy to missy quek.

i'll go hunt for oranges. tata. =)

Yes. fucking haze. PSI of 150. what the hell. its starting to look like a screwed up version of genting around here. nbcb tree burners. just fucking spare the trees and the rest of us and screw off.

right. anyway.

got to sleep in till around 12, well, almost if u dont count my crazy dad waking me up at 6 in the morning as revenge. got up, changed and went out.

i wore my brother's NVSS PE tee shirt and sleeping shorts out. LOL. super comfy can. i felt like i was sleepwalking. i bet i looked like i went for training or something. i had all my work clothes in my NP shoe bag. lol.

oh yes. i was going into the toilet and these group of girls came out. they looked at my NP shoe bag, then at me and went "confirm mass comm one".

like, rofl?

work was ok today. i think my boss delights in seeing my ruin my hands by making me wash ENDLESS beer/cocktail/whathaveyou mugs/glasses/cups. wah lao. i feel like im being overworked. like, i dont get paid for what i do. it was never in my job description to be a fucking cleaner. and i dont remember the ad reading:

waitress/cleaner wanted.

nahia.. i mop, i sweep, i wash, i deliver, i make chitchat with patrons, i serve, i make cocktails and i clean up after disgusting people who can eat until the food ends up on the floor. so not worth $6/hr.

actually. i like my job. im just pissed caused the tips were lousy today. not even $2. everyone was paying by card. damn. lol.

oh and there was this funny customer. he and his wife came in super late, like 10, and ordered a whole lot of food. i was damn pissed la. gonna do closing already then they come in. anyway. he was damn fascinated with my nose piercing.

"is there a REAL hole in your nose? did it hurt? how to put in the stud? got packing or not? when you sneeze does it come out?"

i was so amused i forgot to be annoyed.

changed from my all black work attire which my boss says makes me look super waitress-y (like wth) back to my comfy clothes and went home. today is funky. the haze is super bad, and yet, there were so many people in town. even the train from marina bay was crowded. siao singaporeans. go to vivo city or something.

speaking of which, SINGYI WE MUST GO THERE ASAP.

doing a face mask now. that's 2 in 2 days. seesh. fucking haze. i swear its doing funky things to my skin. things that i cannot see but i just know my skin is crying. i will do a mask everyday i step out of the house. today was really bad, haze/kitchen fumes/car exhaust. traumatic.

and i know this is starting to sound super bimbotic but i need to take better care of my skin. as in, my arms and legs. damn dry! my elbows are cracked like shit. must start putting body moisturizer. cannot be so lazy anymore.

AND. i think i dont get enough nutrition.

i mean, obviously im not stick thin malnourished but i know im not getting enough calcium and vitamins. i bruise fucking easily and my nails chip every 2 days.

so not a good sign.

thus. i shall start drinking milk everynight and take fruits everyday. or maybe i'll go buy vitamins. HMMM.

and stop eating all the shit in my house. everything is instant. instant noodles, instant hor fun, instant porridge, instant soup. wah piang no wonder.

and i ate the first home cooked meal in about a year just yesterday. damn sad ah. pasta and chicken-from-cold-storage. i feel neglected. LOL.

church tomorrow!

im a happy happy girl. i love you much! the best thing that happened to me in a superx100 long time. mmmhmm!

Hello world!

Because i was bored, i decided to go poke around blogskins.com to see if there were any skins worth downloading. i tried creating my own skin. and failed. ah, im destined to live off the efforts of others. hey, im not complaining!

i'm really a html idiot. i was getting super frustrated with the really really little and basic editing i had to do to personalize the skin. ahaha im hopeless.

Didnt go anywhere today. YES. REST.

Woke up late. Uh. basically watched cartoons the whole day.

Just did a face mask. The bloody haze. Its wrecking havoc on my skin. im going to look sallow and old and haggard if i dont watch out.

i love the Lancome cream Singyi gave me. i read the description on the back of the box and im damn amazed. its so eerily coincidental, the cream is exactly what i need.

"Soothes sensitive skin and reduces the tightness of stress, dehydrated skin"

LOL. My skin is damn tight after washing. really uncomfortable. and my skin is dry.

THANK YOU DARLING GIRL. I hope you enjoyed your birthday yesterday =)

I think i'll go read. or something.

YAWN.

Im lying on bed typing this. Im slowly falling asleep. Doesnt matter if its coherent or not, im just blogging out of habit and cause i like reading old entries and laughing.

Went to town to celebrate SINGYI'S birthday. =)

all the pics are still with her. will upload when i get them.

Met at 1, most of us were late. lol. i cant believe Steve was earlier than me. it has to be a first man.

went to coffee bean on the pretense i was craving salad. we ordered this supersupersuper cute cake for her a few days back and wanted to surprise her. lol i think her jaw dropped a mile wide.

talk about sugar rush. Rae, if you're reading this, you'd have loved the cake. the icing was like, DAMN THICK. you could really feel the sugar rush.

went down to The Cathay cause we thought Char's movie with her sis was there but turns out, it was at orchard. hurhur. xP saw Jamie before she went up to work.

went with Mok to the arcade at dhoby exchange. probably my first time in years. ok maybe not years. but at least a really long time. played house of the dead with nigel. the new one. oooh fun. very destressing. ok not like i have stress or anything but yeah. certain satisfaction from killing the zombies. or whatever the gory looking things are supposed to be. walking dead. or something.

tried to get tickets at the same time as char's movie but there were no seats for You, Me and Dupree at 7.30 so we ended up watching the 9.45 one. which meant we had 5 hours to kill. hung around subway for ages. then we went to the arcade AGAIN cause Mok wanted to play DDR or something. oh well. i just follow. =)

took neos. ROFL. HAHAHHA it was damn funny trying to get the guys to take. like death sentence or something. c'mon is it really THAT bad? i mean, its just photos! its not like i like the twit-ish machines!

went to go bother George at the shop he works at. bought the earstud i lost a few days ago. i like that shop, alot of interesting novelty stuff. good for gifts to people you dont really know THAT well. =X

watched them play pool at the arcade. funny.

whats the chalk for?

tallying scores.

LOL. that's singyi for you.

the movie was ok. nothing fantastic but yeah. i think Singyi and i were laughing more at the person who was sitting behind us' laughter. damn funky. pwns Nigel anyday. =P

walked with Timmy to his bus stop and then cabbed home. i really need to stop cabbing. next time, i'll take a bus back with Timmy and then cab home from there. cheaper. weird how it never occurred to me earlier.

i had fun, as always. i <3 you all many!

especially you =)

I was thinking how i wished that these people can really stay with me for the rest of my life. i hate how that one day, despite how i keep saying i love them all in almost all my entries, we may just drift apart. eeee.

oh well. i cant really blog on about that now. my eyes are closing.

tata!

Hi all.

ok the update-that-i-have-no-idea-why-im-even-updating-cause-its-not-like-anyone-
really-cares-what-i-do-on-a-daily-day-to-day-basis .

Yesterday

Went down to cityhall to meet Timmy for lunch. he ate. i watched him, like, again. lol.

Went to Suntec to do stuff after that.

THEN i went to meet missy-i-live-to-pon-school quek singyi in town and we went to gorge ourselves on sakea.

apparently, the eggs were funky cause i uh, ended up puking everything out.

OKOK I KNOW GROSS SORRY.

then i went to work. effing empty can.

went to starbucks after work and met up with Singyi and Timmy. the two darlings who are ALWAYS waiting for me. awww *tears*

Timmy sent me home and we hung around my void deck talking and stuff. -bigfatgrin

EH. i never knew it was so damn nice and cooling at like, 1+ in the morning. i shall hang out downstairs more often when i cant sleep. its super super cooling and like, calming can.

Today

cb. i like, woke up at 9.50 cause my phone died in the middle of the night , and i set my alarm on my phone. and i had to be at work at the chinatown outlet at 10.30. power ah. i didnt even have time to bathe. i just washed up like, faster than ever, changed and cabbed to work. shit la waste money again.

i like the china town outlet! its like, super nice. the ambience, the deco, the supervisor. i wanna transfer there can. the only bad thing is that it has 3 floors and i was running up and down the 1st and 2nd floor. but they have this cool elevator thing where the kitchen will send the food. very fun to play. LOL.

then i went to meet missy-i-ponned-school-again quek singyi and we went to town. she had to work today so we went to NYDC. had some cake thing, wasnt very hungry.

walked around borders and kino after that and i walked her to Jerry's. then i cabbed home.

uh. bathed and changed and prepared to go out to town again. lol.

cabbed to The Cathy and met Timmy at B&Js. Jamie and Carrie were there. i love their scoopy shirts can. its like, so bright and cheerful and happy. lol. hung around there and went back to Jerry's at around 11 to meet Singyi. LOL.

hey she's always waiting for me, it wouldnt be very nice of me if i didnt do the same!

We walked to the bus stop at lido with Timmy hoping that we could get a bus home but Singyi and i didnt have buses so we hung around until Timmy's bus came.

Then we went to slack at the 24hrs macs outside lido until around 12-ish.

AND.

this 3 guys in business wear were like, fucking stalking us.

damn sick can. c'mon la, im like, what, not even 17 yet lor and Singyi turned 17 at the stroke of midnight and they were like, late 20s? isnt there like, a law or something? gross gross gross.

they even followed us to the bloody taxi stand. ITS SO DAMN OBVIOUS THEY WERE INTENDING TO DO SOMETHING CAUSE I NOTICED THEY DIDNT FINISH THEIR MEAL. LIKE, STIL GOT 3/4 OF THE FOOD LEFT.

*shudders* disgusting fucks.

its been a long two days. but hey, im not even tired!

dammit. i just realized i spent $50 on cab today. CB. cab to work, cab home, cab to town and cab home again. piang. well done ah mona.

Singyi's birthday celebration in town tomorrow!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEK SINGYI

Hello there my sister-i-never-had! Happy 17th birthday you crazy girl! Its been another year of madness with you, and im looking forward to many many many more! We'll grow old together and i'll gladly point out any wrinkles and crow's feet you get in the later years k! dont thank me, that's what friends are for. =P

okoks seriously. i love love love you for being there for me all the time and here's a GREAT BIG THANKS for everything you've done for me over the years. im really damn effing grateful to you for sticking by me through all my rubbish. God will bless you! you're like, the bestest friend anyone can ask for. Steve will agree with me, RIGHT?

I love you manymany bestest bud of mine. 1 decade already. that's damn freaking long. muahaha. alot of stories to tell YOUR children (cause i aint gonna have any). come to think of it, if you dont have any, TELL STEVE'S KIDS. raar. all the exploits/the crazy/the not-so-crazy stories. im pretty sure by then, we'll have like, TONS of stories to tell.

once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! you're da best =))

Hello!

I feel rejuvinated.

Like i just had a soak in mineral mud and got a diamond exfoliation.

Singyi continues to amaze me. I talked to her just now and she really opened my eyes yet again. You rock la you crazy girl! She's being a genius today. I was feeling emo and down, and i guess i really needed someone to talk to, like one of those girly <3 to <3s.

Thank you my darling bestie missy quek singyi =)

im sorry i was being bratty just now. i know i didnt help you by suddenly going Away and i bet it caused you more distress if anything. I was being selfish. bleah.

i just want you to know that i'll never ever give up on you, and nor will i ever turn away when you need me. i'll always be here with open arms should you ever need a hug and with listening ears if you need someone to talk to. when i said iloveyou, im agreeing to go through everything and anything together with you. dont ever feel that im doing it out of obligation or cause its what i feel like i should be doing. nope, its cause i WANT to.

i know i dont give fantastic advice, and sometimes i cant really say what i mean to say cause im not very good with words when im not calm. yet, i hope that you know you can come to me whenever you feel down and stuff, cause that's what im here for. true, maybe i cant really help to make you feel better but i'll try my best. and if my words arent enough, at the very least, i can always give you a hug and pray. i realize that perhaps you need time to be able to like, really open up to me. ok maybe you dont but im just saying that if you do, hey, i have all the time in the world to wait.

i dunno. but you're really special and you bring out a different side of me. its a very different experience, to say the least but not that i mind or anything. in fact, i embrace it cause i know you're gonna teach me alot in the long run. and that's what it's all about isnt it? growing inside together. which is why i said i'll never be able to bring myself to hurt you. please dont be scared, cause i'll give you all the assurance you want. with or without your asking, whether you need/want it or not. =)

oh yes. i know talk's cheap and i can make a helluva long blog entry that's all lies just to make you feel better. but you dont deserve that. you deserve a whole lot more and i'll try my best to give the "whole lot more" to you. i really do mean every word i say. swear upon Huckle!

ok imma stop here, i think im starting to repeat myself. but yeah, you get the picture =)

i think i'll go talk to God a little. x)

I shall just say that

I HAVE THE BEST-EST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD. EVER.

I woke up this morning feeling like crap. I was really close to tears but i went to make tea so it killed the crying self pity mood.

When i came back, my darling MISSY QUEK SINGYI was IM-ing me and i just broke down to her online. I spilled everything to her, how i felt and stuff.

I guess even when you feel like nothing can make you feel better, you just have to trust in your nearest and dearest.

One sentence she said really made me laugh, and i felt better immediately. She's a God-send i tell you. She's another reason why i owe God my life and why im willing to be His servant.

I mean, one sentence! That girl is genius.

I was really really touched cause, that was at 3 55 and her school shuts down the internet connection at 4. She could have told me to sms her, or call her. I was really ranting ALOT and i know how she rushes out of school the minute it lets out. But yet. she patiently listened to my nonsense, and gave me genius advice. And when i say nonsense, its really nonsense. In fact, i was quite amazed i was capable of creating enough rubbish to upset myself. its rubbish i would have NEVER EVER told anyone else. just her. =)

Ive known her for 10 years, not running out of school is quite an amazing feat for her. That and she had to work late last night. Her willingness to be so patient can only be attributed to the fact that bestfriends will really ALWAYS be there for you whenever you need them.

I know she loves me alot, and i love her alot too!

Thank you so much!! That one sentence you said really made me smile and feel so much better. I love you more than anyone else in this whole world! I promise that i'll always be there for you too and that we will never fall into the same trap we see happening to other friends who lose contact after a few years. Even if we end up studying in different countries a few years later, i'll make sure i take up 2465627794643 jobs so that i can buy air tickets to visit you every summer! I'l rob a bank if i have to! Mug an old lady! I swear, nothing and no one is more important than you. You're like the sister i never had, someone who will love me unconditionally and do more than what friends do for each other. Yes, you're more than just a best friend to me. Much much much more. No amount of thanks is ever gonna be enough, cause i forsee myself running to you a hell lot in the future. Just promise me that whenever you feel down, no matter how small or how stupid you feel the problem is, you'll call me.

I'll stop my gushing here, because there's just no end to how eternally grateful i am to you. You've always been there for me, despite how i can be such a sickening bitch at times. Im just so truly truly lucky to have you =)

<3333333333333333333333333s! sorry ah this looks kinda funky. C'mon i got D for graphics! but yes, she's like no other =)

EDIT. i wanted to upload that pic into friendster but its down for maintainence so for some reason, i clicked on the first blog link. it opened up to this american dude moving to Los Angeles from Memphis, where ever that is. At the end of the entry about the 3 day drive there, was this phrase that really spoke to me.

"Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away"

Carrie Bradshaw - Sex & The City

It speaks so much about changing, and how we have to be able to adapt and let go of fragments of the past. How many of us can truly do that? I know im still in the learning curve. Im going to start NOW. Chuck a part of me away that belongs in the past because everything is different now, and i cant expect the old me to survive the life im leading now. Especially in the aspect of trust.

I love that phrase. =)

Today was seriously screwy.

Woke up late. watched tv. went out for dinner with my family and now im in the living room with my brother.

yep. im not gonna write out the other stuff in between.

what should i do tomorrow?

*edit
as if matters if i put that or not. oh well.

i feel funky.

and no, funky aint a good thing.

i think i fucking read too much. which ends up with me fucking thinking too much.

and im sorry for using "fuck" so much. im so not having a good day

RAAAR.

i really hate the way i am sometimes. i thought that i was already above all that shit. i thought that i had matured more than this. i thought i had learnt to trust, most imporantly.

evidently, i havent.

its so seriously fucked up. i just manage to kill whatever that remained of my mood. i have itchy fingers, itchy eyes and a killer curiousity.

lethal combination really. curiousity killed the cat.

haha stupid much. i made myself upset. powr la mona, well done. now i feel... a whole combination of things.

why am i always doing stupid things. why am i so effing blind and why, why why why why WHY am i so effing RASH AND IMPULSIVE. i just realize i dont think alot (i mean, when i have to) and i just happily throw myself in and allow opporunities for heartbreak, anger, bitterness, jealousy, hurt and whatever-the-fuck emotions to happen.

whee. -.-

im too suspicious. how ah.

actually, given the current situation who the eff can blame me for being suspicious? i agree with steve, im a paranoid android. for the things that i care about alot more i mean. like, i dont give a flying fuck about my neighbours and stuff.

at times like these, i wish i could get a lobotomy or have some amazing ability to wipe out parts of the past i wish never ever happened.

the next best thing would of course be running to Singyi's place with a tub of ice cream.

but oh well. i'll deal. i just needed an outlet to rant.

and.

if you're all gonna ask me if im ok, obviously im going to say i am cause that's just the way i am. i dont air my dirty laundry to everyone, and its not that im taking you all for idiots when i say im ok when my mind is so obviously going on overload but like, i dont feel comfortable sharing.

y'know. its not like me to be the way i am. the only other time i was like this was when i cared. i wont stop caring, cause i cant but like. ah fuck.

get a grip!!!

yes. grip. i feel like bitch slapping myself for being so needy and loser-ish. its so pathetic i cant stand it. urg. like, people think im already jaded to the extent im cold cause of how scarily calm i am over certain stuff. DARLINGS YOU'RE ALL WRONG.

the next time (cause im damn sure there'll be a next time), im not going to throw myself in so much. i have to make sure i do otherwise thats it. the cycle repeats. stay far far away. far away to be safe, yet close enough to seem normal.

i dunno. im crazy. i allow myself too much.

seesh.

but of course. i'll be ok. probably by tomorrow cause all i need a good long sleep.

tomorrow will be a better day.