Saturday

Church today, yay!

I went for bible studies in the morning and it was really good. Alot of personal stuff but i swear i learned alot.

Service in the afternoon, also another amazing service. I tell you i just love going to church.

Chiong-ed to my aunt's place right after church cause apparently she left stuff for my mom and everyone else. She left my mom a necklace and my dad a ring. Each had a personalized card thing, and i realized she had prepared everything before she passed away.

Damn. I really cant imagine the feeling of knowing you're gonna die and like, preparing for your own funeral and stuff. Its so sad.

Sunday

filming the whole day. it was fun.

went to school like, really really early and did some shots in school. then we went to qixin's place and then to rae's.

i love rae's house. its like, so nice and spacious.

we did impromptu shots like, in the bus when they were diverting traffic and in Secret Recipes. lol. good luck guys, i hope it turns out alright. xD

***********************

Ok, im in lecture hall now and THIS close to falling asleep.

Let's see. Locvid test later, and i know NUTS.

FMSS meeting later.

Char Ash and Ling staying over tonight to chiong marketing.


Its gonna be a long day. chocolates-for-energy please xD

Ok now im at home at my desk.

The editing test wasnt that good. Sorry lah i cant really think on my feet under stressful conditions where my examiner is like, breathing down my neck and shit. Plus the actors in the short clip we were supposed to edit had the heaviest accents. i could barely make head or tails of it. gaaaah.

i did my best so yeah, whatever. come what may etc etc blah blah blah.

eer. digitized our film straight afterwards. the tape i was digitizing was uber good and the NGs were so funny, i kept laughing and mr tan was like, "why you laugh until like that".

and Mok was digitizing the other tape, which had all the emo abusive bits so he was cringing. HAHA.

but seriously, the film is good. my actors rockx10.

i love editing, even though its tedious. in fact, ive done almost 3/4 of the editing. all im left is to add in those livetype stuff, the credits amd look for sounds effects and im done. yay!

hahaha i have no priorities. i should be doing like, marketing.

eer got home, went for supper and now im home again.

ok byebye xD

Ok i am outside the studio waiting for my turn to take the test which is like, an hour from now.

I just took my camera handling test. HUR. the less said about it the better. lalala~

Ummm so i'll update about yesterday.

Went to school at around 3 for a our consultation. And hoho, i got back my graphcomm grades.

I got an effing D for both lah! So disgusting. I think kok kee forgets that we're just year ONE students who arent art prodigies. blaaah. Oh well. It wasnt like i was expecting As for both or anything. How to do advertising and PR like that. sian.

AND we just found out we have to do presentataion for the designing shit we were doing two weeks from now. DAMMIT. I thought it was for marketing can?! Die already lah. Plus somemore next week we have marketing presenation. oh no oh no oh no.

Right. So after getting our grades and whining etc etc..

Went to the atrium to meet Singyi and Timmy for filming. Took a bus to his place lugging all the damnx10 heavy equipment.

We all fell in love with Timmy's place. I tell you its super nice ok! I lovelovelove his living room.

And his cats. oh man. cuteness.

filming went smoothly. everyone knew what to do and Char and Timmy make really good abusive parents. I cant wait to digitize it and start editing it. But must chiong marketing first. Blaaaah.

wrapped up at around 10 30-ish and we went to eat prata. singyi and i were damn greedy. my tummy looked as though i was pregnant luh. yay i love my group and my cast xD

thankyouthankyouthankyou guys for helping out!

just wondering. how come when you go into a prata place, you come out smelling totally like oil and grease and all that but when you go to even the most poorly ventilated hawker centre, you smell quite alrite? my clothes and hair stank like hell la. i felt like a prata 0_o


sian sian how come there's so much to do in poly. char, ling and ash are going to crash at my place next mon and tues cause we have too much to do. ok la maybe we shouldn't have left everything to the last minute and should really pay more attention to deadlines when they're mentioned in lectures but still! im damn scared for marketing. i dont think im going to get much sleep for the next 4 days. and then there's still the exams to study for.

can i just go kill myself? oh maaaaan. i cant wait for the hols to start.

ok imma go.

Ok i shall hurry and update before i go bathe because mom told me not to bathe immediately after eating.

And i just ate ALOT so yes, i think i shall blog first.

HMMMMMM.

Okok today was really quite a waste of my time. Classes were at 10 (HAHAHAHA NO MORE S&W WHEEEEEEEEEE) so i got to sleep in. I woke up at 7.45, just in time to bathee and slowly change and leave the house.

BUT.

I have this thing about slowly waking up and interacting with people AT MY OWN PACE so when i just got out of bed, my dad BARGED into my room -like, he opened the door damn roughly- and i got damn pissed off so i threw myself back onto bed and went back to sleep.

HAHA.

So smart! I woke up at 9.30 and i ended up taking a cab. Blaaaah i have to stop wasting money on cab fare. shiat.

Today was my LAST CATS class so provided i dont fail and i dont get called back, I DONT HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL ON WEDNESDAYS ANYMORE. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Met Char, Ashley and Jeremy after class and we somehow ended up at Mr Prata with Mok and his IS class people. The many many milo pictures reminded me of that time i bought ice milo at the Esplanade for $3. That's freaking daylight robbery lah.Grr. But i wanna go back!! The place is uber nice in the late evening. *hint hint*

Uhhhhhh.. consultation tomorrow and we're getting our bauhaus and logo grades back. Char, Ashley and I kept going to his office to get the grades but for some reason, HE'S NEVER IN WHEN WE CALL. On hindsight, it could have been cause we kept going back during lunch hour and he's a TOTAL foodie. Hmm oh well.

Actually i dont know why we're so excited. Our grades are bound to suck anyway. Muahaha. Everyone's been getting like, Ds and Es for logo and those are from the people who are super pro at designing and shit. Oh no. I wanted Bs for both initially but looks like im going to have to kiss that goodbye. Ah. it happens when your teacher is like, some art prodigy.

And filming tomorrow! I dont know why, but i think its going to be so fun. We're going to shoot at TIMMY'S house after consultation and all that. I think we shall order pizza for the talents. I feel damn cheapo when i think about Jeremy and his group's $400 budget. We never had a budget. 0_0

Ok i feel disgusting already. i shall go bathe. byebye.

Oodle Doodle


PS: I think im allowed to panic as an extra. MARKETING FINAL PRESENTATION IS NEXT WEEK AND MY GROUP HAS DONE LIKE, NOTHING. *SCREAMS

okay um, recap.

Yesterday

I ponned afternoon lectures. xD

And ive realized something. if you want to find the stoniest, glummest, blankest and annoy-me-and-you-DIE faces in singapore, just head to the nearest major shopping centre with a taxi stand after 9pm.

Today

After months in poly, I FINALLY GOT MY FIRST A.

and in WEBGRAPH CLASS. how ironic!

WHEEEEE. I was happy, but erm, it was short lived. Still got a long long way to go. Tons of FINAL projects. oh no.

Went for the job interview at Ling's workplace and yay, i can start work next week. buahahaha i'll finally have MONEY to more or less support myself and take a smaller allowance from my parents.

ok that was a break. have to go do things now.

bye.

Ok, im happy to report that everyone's getting better, especially my mom. Its nice to hear her laugh again.

Dinner was fun today. it was carefree and i really enjoyed myself. My family went to east coast and it was really nice. We ordered TONS of food and talked alot of nonsense. I especially liked the stories my dad told us about his exgirlfriends and stalkers. super funny. hey, he was really handsome when he was around my age, i saw his photos before.

and then we all walked walked walked walked walked all the way to the bedok jetty. my dad suddenly got all zen-like and asked us to listen to the waves and listen to what they were trying to tell us. i never knew he was so random! i laughed like an ass, i swear.

and we ate ice cream before going home. i just love those kind of ice creams. the pushcart type. oh oh they have a new flavour. BROWNIE. whee.

i really love my family. i love how we're so carefree and casual and we can crap so much. i mean, im constantly barging into my brother's room and doing really retarded things like jumping on his bed and talking gibberish and ransacking his closet for clothes. yep xD

yay. i think im going to start working at Ling's workplace. IM DAMN DAMN DAMN BROKE. my phone bill mananged to hit $200 last month and someone's gonna have to pay for it. that and, i think its nice to have a steady income. dont have to depend on my parents so much.

ok. im off.

Im sitting here, drinking scalding hot milo despite the fact its like, 35933959683882556 degrees, and i havent even got the fan on.

Currently, so many things are occuring to me.

It occurs to me that i should go get my handphone from where ever it is i last threw it and check if anyone's been calling me or messaging me about something important, or at the very least switch off the silent mode so i can check on it later.

It occurs to me that there is a good reason why the dreamweaver icon is in limegreen. It cause there will be a constant annoying reminder that i should get started on webgraph before i cause my entire group to fail.

It occurs to me that i should also get started on the flash assignment, before i have to rush out something crappy at the last minute and end up flunking the entire webgraph module.

It occurs to me that i should start studying for medisoc and marketing, because the exams arent really that far from now. just a few more weeks and there's so much to learn.

It occurs to me that i should do something about my brother's lunch, because its already way past lunch time and neither of my parents are home.

It occurs to me that i should really go tidy up my room and get my life back in order.

But.

I'm not doing any of that (dont worry Jamie, Nigel and Ling, i'll get started on webgraph when im done with this entry xD)

The past two days, i thought my mother was being weak (even though i knew jolly well in reality she's a strong strong woman), and why didnt she just pull herself together ASAP and get on with life already.

Of course, i didnt feel as much grief as she did, nor did i shed as much tears as she. After all, its two totally different situatations. But.

Something else occured to me (sorry i know this whole "occuring" thing is getting annoying)

Even though im not as at a loss as my mom, and im not feeling that depressed or whatever, i finally know what she means when she says she feels like a ship at sea who's lost its compass and every other navigational device known to man.

Sure, i dont wander around the house not knowing what to do, or sit on my bed and stare into nothingness for ages on end but yesterday, when i tried blogging about what happened, i couldnt

And whenever i tried talking about it, the words either didnt come out right, or couldnt come out at all. I couldnt comfort my mom properly, because i was still grappling with the fact that this was a loss that nothing no one could do to change. Forever.

4 days ago, my mother's oldest sister, my first aunt, passed away after a long, exhausting fight with cancer.

My aunt was a strong woman. She fought cancer for more than a year, and each time we visited her, and her condition was worse than the last time we saw her, she never once complained how much it hurt.

Even towards the last few weeks, she still shouldered on, found the strength to give my mom and my other aunt advice, found the strength and mental capacity to worry about her nieces and nephews and above it all, did it without ONCE complaining.

How amazing is that?

And my uncle. I really respect him. He closed down his clinic for ages, not going back to work, just so he could personally take care of my aunt, whether it was at home, or at the hospital, he never left her side. Sadistic as this sounds, im glad that when she departed, she departed knowing that her husband loved her so much. I dont know but im sure its a little comfort amidst the pain.

During the whole 3 days of wake, funeral and cremation, everytime i looked at her children, i couldnt help but wonder if their smiles would ever be the same again.

And i kept getting flashbacks of the many years we spent together, growing up. Even though our schedules were so different that the only times we got to meet each other were the new year, christmas and the random event in between, each time we got together, it was as though we spent every day of our lives together.

All the crazy christmases we spent. And how we used to beg our parents for sleepovers, all those many years ago. Heck, i still get excited when i know im going for a sleepover at their place.

And i remember the last christmas i spent with their family, me and my brother. It was last year, in their new home. I remember how we went to their church for christmas mass on christmas eve, and then we walked to the petrol station and bought Ben & Jerrys and proceeded back to their place to demolish them within 10 minutes. And how we refused to go to sleep, because in less than 2 hours, it would be christmas! In the end, we ended up sitting around in the bedroom and waiting for the clock to strike 12. And when it did, we flew down the stairs and to the christmas tree, where all the presents were.

My aunt gave me this necklace she got while she was in Egypt. Its a pendant with my name in hieroglyphics. I loved it so much then, and i still do. I'll post pictures of that christmas and everything else when i get my other lappie running.


Now, everytime when i go to their place, its going to feel so weird because i dont think im ever going to get used to greeting my uncle and not seeing my aunt. Everytime i went over to their place, my aunt would tell me to go up to her library -which incidentally is bigger than my living room- and recommend me a few titles to read. She always made sure we felt welcome. She'd play us beautiful music on the amazing sound system in her TV room, lend my mom and i books from her collection and let my brother run amok with her guard dog, who ironically, was the friendliest dog around.

I guess my aunt will never really be gone. To quote Dumbledore from Harry Potter, "do you think those who loved us will truly ever be gone?"

its true you know. She has always been the guiding light of her sisters, and will continue to be. She lives on in my mom, my second aunt and her kids. And, my family will be taking over her old BMW (buying it of course) because my mom says she cant bear to let it go, so each time we take the car, she will be with us in spirit.

**************************

Death is such a surreal thing.

It brings people apart, but when a family bonds over the death, it brings everyone closer.

It weakens us at first, but after this storm, we will all emerge stronger than before.

It will glaringly remind us of our loss, but remind us of what we gained from this ordeal.


To my aunt Germaine, where ever you are now -somewhere in heaven i mean- i pray that you'll continue to watch over us and give us the guidance that we'll need. May every amazing trait that you posessed -strength of heart, power of will, love of a mother etc etc etc etc etc- continue to live on in your children so that they will grow to become adults who will be worthy of being known as your children. I pray that your soul now rests in peace, and i pray that we will be able to continue to feel your presence, up till the day we depart and hopefully join you in heaven. You were a woman who believed very much in the Lord Jesus Christ, and i pray that you have been well recieved in His kingdom. You departed from us leaving behind a memory of you we will all respect greatly. We all miss you and because i know you live on in us, there are really no final goodbyes. Instead, we joy that you have now gained eternal life, one devoid of sufferings, devoid of pain and devoid of all the matters that plauge those on earth. Finally, even though i know this is so inadequate, thank you for everything you've done for us.


*************************

(i know, this is a longer blog entry than normal)

Its been one thing after the other. now my grandma has been hospitalized. thank goodness it wasnt a stroke. it was something else, but i cant remember the name and even if i did, spelling it out is another issue. whatever it is, im glad she's ok and will be able to be discharged soon.

i really feel drained. tired. i think i'll go take a nap AND then do webgraph when i wake up.


PS: thanks everyone for the super sweet encouraging tags on my tagboard. xD

I only thought what has happened, only happened to people on TV.

Dammit. I just erased then entry i wrote because the writing is so unfocused, its like rambling. i cant do this now.



PS: Jamie, so sorry for leaving church halfway today.

Did filming today for my classmates.

I think it went ok-ish. i mean, Shafik is really good on screen -looks and acting- and the crew is amazingly organized. plus MR TAN HENG HANG was there to DIRECT a little here and there. i think my acting sucks. wahaha. i needed tons of retakes to get into the mood and the voice overs weren't any better in the beginning.

you guys are the best! so patient. i hope it all goes well for you all xD

it was really fun though. and i got to eat ice cream. muahahaha.

consultation was nonsense. i dont know how, but we ended up talking gossiping about stuff and begging him to give us back our grades for graphcomm.

he could only remember xianjie, who got A for both his logo and bauhaus SO DISGUSTING CAN. XIAN JIE WHY?!! I think he's getting like, straight As for ALL his modules. But im sure he doenst slack the way most of us, ok, I do so yeah, you deserve it!!!

but oh man. im like, damn nervous now. i was initally hoping for a B but looks like the odds of that happening are like, 0.00000000001 out of a million or something. oh no.

we bugged kok kee into agreeing to email us our grades but that has yet to happen. he's probably eating muffins at sunshine plaza or something. whatever that place is called. sun... something something.


i dont really feel like ranting. too much is happening. i'll rant and properly update after tomorrow.

Its amazing, and terrifying, how within a span of three days so many things can happen.

I'll start off with the boring stuff.

Monday

Lectures the whole day. Ponned Locvid and Graphcomm with a bunch of people and we went to SIM to er, slack. xD

Not like you learn anything so...

I slept throughout marketing too, and was editing my video in medisoc so yeah, i learned basically NOTHING the whole day.

I dont know how, but my interview is in 3 cds because for some reason, neither me nor nigel felt like buying a DVD.

THANK YOU MOK. I OWE YOU MORE THAN WHAT MY MEDISOC GRADE IS WORTH.


Tuesday

Uh. a whole day of tutorials. it was ok.

and then we (smart asses who chose orienteering thinking its damn slack) went WALKED to BUKIT BATOK NATURE RESERVE Its damn far ok!!! what's wrong with getting a bus or something? i thought ngee ann was like, too rich or something.

anyway. we had to walk around the reserve, guided by the most retarded map ever and find answers to questions. i think they're damn free to set those questions lah.

but part of the route we had to take led us to this beautiful place. my dad says it used to be a quarry. everyone was like, taking photos like a bunch of tourists.

in a way, i was. my first time there! so got excited and took photos too. lol.



this made me LOL. as if the sign is going to be of any help when a durian like, impales you in the head.



brook thing. the water was clear



i dunno. this looks pretty artistic.



SEE. its so nice!



yeh yeh i know the quality sucks.



who knew Singapore had places like this.


other than that, it was a waste of time. got home late, edited the video and went to sleep at around 2 or 3.


Today

Woke at 6.15 and went to school to meet Char, Jeremy and Aaron. Had to go to Bukit Timah Nature Reserve today.

IT WAS LIKE HELL. I SWEAR I NEVER WANT TO GO BACK THERE EVER AGAIN.

At certain points, it was so damn steep my knees were practially touching my face as i climbed.

It was tiring. My thigh muscles are killing me now.

Bright side, ive PASSED S&W. no more waking up at inhumane hours on weds!

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!!


Now.


***************************

As i was saying. 3 days. I dont know if i should blog about it out of respect but all i can say is, i feel.. weird now.

K imma go.

A very stay at home day.

Singyi and i didnt appear from the room until around 2, where we proceeded to the kitchen cause my dad said he bought us lunch. My favourite beehoon thing with some veggie thing and LOTS AND LOTS OF SAMBAL. Yum.

So gross right. I ate so much this weekend, i feel like a stuffed sausage. Goodness knows how heavy i weight now. eee. imma start working out. Gym whenever i can and run at least 4 times a week. Yes. that shall be my slightly-after-mid-year resolution. and eat healthy too.

The weekends' been fun.

and.

IM SO SORRY NIGEL LEE FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO EDIT THE INTERVIEW. YES I HATE MY LAPPIE RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

I feel like such a worm. my lappie (who will be known as the traitor i sill love or TISL from now on) decided to develop a weird HD and some stuff keeps disappearing. its annoying. i called apple and screamed at them, and even though its ok now, the stuff is still gone.

including the interview. dammit. so so so so so so sorry nigel!

i decided to leave the mattress singyi used in the position it is now. no im not like sentimentally attatched to it cause she slept in it ok! urg how wrong would that be?

anyway. its cause its like, one step away from my door so i decided that on the days i get home from school feeling super shagged and dont feel like changing before napping, i can just flop onto the mattress. so smart right, plus i wont have to walk all the way to bed. xP

wahaha i say it as though my room is that big. im so full of it.


im getting sleeeeepy.

FILMING TODAY.

DECLARATION: MSSY QUEK SINGYI IS DISGUSTING.

She made, MADE me order macs at like, 2 in the morning yesterday. omg. And we ordered 3 large fries, 1 twister fries, mcnuggets and mcdippers. Goodness knows what the deliveryman must have thought.


see lah.

So gross can. Muahahha. BUT 3/4 of it was uneaten so it wasnt THAT bad. Cause my bed is directly opposite the table we put all the food, it was in my direct line of vision. When i rolled over this morning and saw the uneaten food, i wanted to puke. Im swearing off macs for a very long time.

We slept at something like 4 and managed to wake up WITHOUT the alarm clock at 6 this morning. so pro right. xP

School was uber empty. It was creepy, even.

Ling and Jerald were late, so while waiting we CAMWHORED with Mok's lappie. muahaha.

























Filming was fun today. We managed to wrap up all the mushy love scenes. I got to play the bitchy girlfriend for one scene. lol lol lol.

Kudos to SINGYI and JERALD for acting for us. Jerald is damnx10 pro at acting luh. I cant wait to see how the film turns out.


look at his eyes! super nicee right? and and look at the bruises on singyi's arm. nice right?
muahaha cause i did it using makeup

Ok i shant self praise. yuck.

Wrapped up at around 3-ish and then we went to church.

I love today's service. The sermon was just, super super superx10 impacting. yay church rocks. xD

Went to cold storage and bought frozen pizza and cheesecake for dinner. Such unhealthy and un-nourishing stuff. I like!


Ok imma go start editing the interview. Crap its due monday!

Since yesterday's entry was full of words, today's shall be full of pictures.

yay.

All taken in locvid class. We were learning how to use lights and had to practice, so we got to camwhore. so fun.



not ready!


this was supposed to be cute.


Nigel and Lola.



Scary Movie!



Trying, TRYING to do an ala project runway shot. damn CMI, i know.


Now Marilyn Monroe. tsk.


Charlie's Angelssss.


shoes shoes shoes. so nice.


xianjie so lucky right. surrounded by girls. wahaha.


BOO.




yay nice blue lighting.


SO EMO. SO COOL RIGHT?!



emo again. man i love this lighting.



YAY more emo!!


Group shot!


what would we do without Lola?


Today was fun. Went to church after school, met MISS QUEK SINGYI and now we're at my place, getting our face masks ruined because Stephen is making us laugh.

Ok imma go get the cookies and ice cream. Have to wake in.... 6 hours??! Oh no.

Filming tomorrow. Its going to be fun, i hope. xD

Ive been feeling superx10 emo recently. dont ask me why, i just do.

Must be something in the gallons of 100plus ive been consuming like water recently.

So anyway. Im at my desk and staring at the BK vouchers hanging off my corkboard and im just CRAVING for a mushroom swiss double. I'll make sure i'll hassle MISS QUEK SINGYI into buying it with me along with all the other crap we'll be buying for tomorrow night. havent seen her in quite a while and there's so much to catch up on, right right right?

we'll stay up all night k, not sleep and go for filming on saturday looking like crap. actually i can look like crap, you cant. buahaha.

Ive been munching on a bar of chocolate, and i think ive been eating too much recently. so disgusting. i havent weighed myself in ages, BECAUSE I DONT DARE TO. lol lol lol. goodness knows how much i weigh now, and as they say, IGNORANCE IS BLISS. i really should take up some sort of class. dance or something. ive always wanted to do belly dancing, i think its sexy. there's one type of cardio workout i keep seeing in Cleo mag, maybe i'll go sign up for it or something. and a whole new diet regime. i need to get healthy, my skin's getting sallow and disgusting.

sigh. i really wish that one day 48hrs or something. ever since coming to poly, i havent slept before 12-1am in AGES. i treasure weekends, i really do.

wish mommy and daddy would come back from the market already. my order of mee pok dry with tons and tons of chilli despite my sore throat is with them. YUM.

looking through older pictures, i realized i havent had a holiday in ages. i cant wait for the 7 week break. hopefully there wont be much reason to have to go back to school so i can go with daddy to italy. and although i think it will be so cool to stroll through the streets of rome or milan or whatever (pops will work, i'd be alone xD) eating the ice cream they're so famous for and peering into Gucci and Prada, a little company would be nice.

ANYONE WANTS TO COME WITH ME??

but i'd really rather go to New York, or London. The shopping is heaven and at least they speak english. The only italian i know is (use the italian accent now people) spaghetti anda meetballs!

New york. Man, i'd give my right left arm to go there. Its like, an American version of Tokyo (which makes Tokyo the Japanese version of New York) I mean, times square, central park, barneys, bendels, the meatpacking district. GAH. and those cool hotdog vendors.

And London! Madam Tussaud's (however its spelt, i cant be bothered to check wikipedia), Buckingham Palace, the Portobello flea market, the countrysides and who knows, i might be able to snag myself the very wealthy son of some Earl of Duke. LOL nah im just kidding. imagine having to stay in big stone mansion all day, minding social graces and drinking tea everyday. id just die. im too much of a city kid and besides, im perfectly content now. xD

but a title like Lady Mona, Duchess of _________ would be so cool. and having like, 10 maids wait on me hand and foot. and id never have to worry about dieting again. id be so wealthy, id eat until im disgustingly fat and then just go for liposuction. wahaha. oh and of course i'd be able to help the homeless with my new wealth and donate to Red Cross and all that. and id be able to buy out Chanel!

and yes im still kidding. id definitely marry an asian. and then you have the hassle of migrating and all that shit if you marry a forgein white. nah. id take a hot singaporean anyday. xP


wow. i just re-read the whole chunk and its such a me-me-me entry. its quite narcisstic and disgusting, but then again its not like you came here and expected to read about something that's good for mankind or something right?


ok imma go. dinner's back! and if im lucky, the old man who runs the stall is in a good mood and added mushrooms xD

-out-


Cause you're everywhere to me
When i close my eyes it's you i see,
You're everything i know that makes me believe
Im not alone.
-Michelle Branch's Everywhere

Do you remember when you were young, and your parents would read bedtime stories to you?

(ok, at least mine did for a while when i got obsessed with bed time stories from watching too much american telly)

Do you remember being snuggled up in bed, under the blanket, the lights dim and feeling this unparalleled sense of security that came from the presense of whichever parent was there at that time? Because they seemed so big and tall that every monster our young minds could conjure would fear them?

And then do you remember that warmth you felt, the love that seemed to radiate from them as they read the whole book as you slowly drifted to sleep whilst getting lost in the world of dragons, princesses and unicorns?

How simple things were when we were kids. Food for thought.

I mean, all we had to worry about was when mother and daddy was going to come home with dinner, and whether the brat of a brother got to the tv first. We could do so many retarded things and get away with it; horrible table manners, walking around half naked and destroying things.

now. no amount of bed time stories and goodnight kisses can settle the problems we face. academic stress, peer pressure, relationships and financial woes. how much that changes over the years. scary.

of course i dont deny that growing up has it perks, but to be a kid again.. id- i'd give up my nice cozy bed!

ok that was alot of rubbish. but i really do miss being able to look forward to feeling a sense of total, and i mean total 100% security. even if its only for the course of a night.

where can you get that kind of feeling now at this age anyway? Security. precious thing that it is.

For some reaosn, i wish someone would read me a bedtime story tonight. wahaha okok i'll go.

hey i cant help it, im a kid at heart!


cause you are the strength when i feel weak
you helped me stand strong up on my feet.
cause you are the light that fills my life
you helped me through disease and strife.

There's a fine, thin line between friends and stalker

If i wanted someone following me around all day, or clamouring for my attention, i'd strap 10 salmons to my back and find a hungry stray cat.

Good grief.

I'll just upload photos. not really in the blogging mood.



yo, me and jamie. xD



i love the paint job on his face. and the blue hair, its cool!



trying to see who had bigger eyes. fine you win k.



group. lovely lovely people. xD



LOL,



cool machine from the japanese doughnut stand at the food fest.


time to sleep. yay!


If i could see you in a year
I'd wind the months in balls,
And put them each in seperate drawers
Until their time befalls.

If certain, when this life was out
That yours and mind should be,
I'd toss it yonder like a rind
And taste eternity.

-Emily Dickinson

Let's start with JERSEY SUNDAY

Ok today was fun. Everyone wore jerseys (thanks steve!) in view that it was the world cup finals. You could feel something zinging in the air and you cant help but get caught up in the madness too.

Everyone was getting their faces painted in either the italian or french colours. GO FRANCE.

i'll upload the pictures when i get them from JAMIE. xD

All in all, it was a great day. fantastic sermon, amazingly crazy people and i dont know, there's just no church i know that's like this. coming to this church, i have totally no regrets. Not now, not today, not ever.

After service i had to go to town so Jamie and Yo accompanied me. HAHAHA.

The stares we got were too funny for words luh.

Ran my errand, got a novel and we went to the FOOD FEST at TAKA. Hello haven! I totally recommend the mini japanese doughnuts, its amazing.

Then they went back to church to stay and wait for the finals to commence while i went off. The journey back was entertaining.

Today

I'm darn tired so i wont bother with the normal what-happened-today blogging style.

BUT.

I must, MUST add that i finally finished a super rought cut (but still finished) version of the website we're supposed to do for WEBGRAPH. YES!! Dance with me people.

Muahahaha.


Talk about Murhpy's Law being in practice today.

i see a ray of light. a ray of HOPE.

For webgraph. i THINK i know how to use dreamweaver already, and i've kinda got website layout roughly planned out. I went to gettyimages and took a TON of pictures, and now i'm going to go do research on organic stuff.

Waiting for photoshop to hurry and download so i can start doing the webpage properly. im not really good with fireworks so im not going to use that program. gah i wish photoshop would freaking hurry up. Still have another three hours to go. bah looks like i wont be sleeping much today.

really have to chiong and churn out a reasonable website for webgraph by tues or my whole group is going to fail this module. and no freaking way am i going to retake it next sem. ive had enough of photoshop, its coming out of my ears!

there's still the whole of tomorrow night, the whole 24 hrs of monday and the morning of tues. yes i believe it can be done.


righto. so. i went to my aunt's place for lunch. my mom and i went to chong pang first and bought alot alot alot of the fried breadsticks thing. two big plastic bags. yum. and alot of the nice deserts. seasame paste and stuff. gaaah.

went to my aunt's place and sat and ate and ate and ate and talked and talked and talked. yes i feel really fat right about now. LOL.

on the way home my dad stopped at shell and me being my usual greedy self went to see if ben and jerry's was having a promotion. and there was! yay! bought two tubs, choc chip cookie dough and phish food. haven't touched it yet though, tomorrow, tomorrow xD

i think that savage garden's Crash and Burn is the ultimate song. i know its old school but who cares. the lyrics are amazing, so simple and yet so meaningful. ok lah, its given that there is the possibility that they didnt write it because of some past experience or whatever, but i still think its a really sweet song.

"Let me be the one you call
If you jump i'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone"

It's the sweetest song ever. Its the ultimate song in friendship, in love and every other happy relationship you can experience in your life.

if someone dedicated that to me, or sang it to me, i'd just melt.

muahaha yes im emo! go ahead steve, laugh. xP


ok imma go do an eye mask or something while waiting for photoshop. or do something about my nails.

whee ok im off.

Because today is too boring to blog about, ok, semi boring, i shall post a survey i stole from Steve's blog.

but! i MUST mention that ive finally edited the video, put it into a tape and SUBMITTED it in. yay! the final project has been assigned and i think its going to be fun filming and editing.

oh and, i think my group is so dead for webgraph.


1. Are you photogenic?
hell no.

2. What time do you go to bed?
its been a range of 2-3 recently.

3. What was the last thing you did before this?
read Singyi's blog

4. Who's the person you see most often?
my family

5. Who's the person you'll call if you need help?
Singyi.

6. What's on your mind right now?
should i go have noodles for supper? (and the other thing on my mind 24/7)

7. What do you prefer? American Idol/Malaysian Idol?
hahahaha malaysian idol!!!

8. With whom do you wanna be with?
as if im going to write that here.

9. What movie do you wanna watch now?
Pirates of the Carribean!

10. When was the last time you went out? Where? With who?
this morning to school

11. What do you hate the most for now?
the damn pimple on my face

12. What do you do everyday besides eat & sleep?
school, school and did i mention school?

13. Colors that make you happy?
rich greens, light blues and deep reds

14. Most favourite thing in your room?
my bed

15. Miss someone?
yep.

16. Plan to buy something?
A NEW PHONE

17. Are you satisfied with your life now?
yes, but if someone were to up my grades, i wont stop them xD

18.Do you like seafood?
nope, and i cant take it either. allergy.

19.Breakfast or dinner?
dinner. breakfast doesnt exist in my house

20. like chocolates?
LOVE

21.Do you have a phone?
duh.

22. What's your favorite fast food?
no preferance really.

23. Cats or dogs?
cats

24. Salty or sweet?
sweet.

25. City or country?
city.

26. Is kissing normal for your age?
why should it be abnormal?

7. Are you athletic?
no

28.favorite band for now?
hillsong, red rain, fall out boy,

29. Do you have your own cell phone?
yes

30. What do you wear to bed?
the baggiest shirt i own and shorts

31. Ever had a crush on a teacher in highschool?
urg no!

32. Coke or pepsi?
pepsi

33. sugar or spice?
spice baby spice!

33. Can you use chopsticks?
yes

35. Do you care about getting good grades?
who doenst?

36. Have you ever fallen asleep in class?
haha yes.

37. Get a job or ask your parents for money?
get a job

38. Is your dad strict?
quite

39. Do your parents give you enough privacy?
yes

40. Do your parents trust you?
on a scale of 1-10, proably a 6.5

41. Do you make friends quickly?
im ok

42. Do you tell your mom everything?
redundant much?

43. What do you & your parents fight about most?
who gets to do the laundry and the last slice of cake

44. If you love someone & he/she rejects you. What will you do to him/her?
LOL voodoo! haha nothing luh, what can i do?

45. Can you sing or rap?
sing i guess.

46. If you have one wish, what would it be?
to have another hundred wishes. lol so greedy right.

47. What do you think about this survey?
not as annoying as some.

48. Who is the first person on your recent calls list?
dad

49. What kind of shampoo do you use?
herbal essences

50. What song do you hear right now?
fall out boy- sugar we're going down

50. If you could drink anything right this second, what would it be?
orange juice. im craving it.

51. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
my left foot. i just rammed it against my bed

52. What color shirt are you wearing?
a white oversized tee. comfy

53. What size ring do you wear?
no idea.

54. Are you bored?
no

55. What was your high school mascot?
didnt have one.

56. What's the next concert/show you're going to and when?
the mini ones at church on sunday!

57. What were you doing at 9 pm last night?
probably having dinner

58. What's your favorite Starbucks drink?
mocha frapp.

59. Do you exercise as much as you should?
no

60. Did you attend your high school prom?
NO. I WAS DEPRIVED OF MY PROM

61. Did you go to someone else's prom?
no

62. Would you give your bf/gf a second chance ifthey cheated on you?
hell no. id freaking kill him the first time

63. Name something within 5 ft. of you...
bed!

64. How long can you hold your breath underwater?
like i time myself?

65. What is your favorite ice-cream flavor?
i like the multi-flavoured ben & jerry's.

66. The weirdest thing you've ever heated in the microwave?
a tub of hair wax.

67. How much Japanese do you know?
next to nothing. and why Japanese?

68. Do you want to get married?
yes, by 27 or 28.

69 What age do you want kids?
NEVER.

70. What was the name of your first teacher?
miss violet. i was the teacher's pet xD

whee ok imma go sleep EARLY today. so happy.

Ok. Im feeling much better than yesterday.

But the melancholy still lingers. Oh well, i'll see how things go. To quote Helen Keller,

Keep your face to the sunshine and you'll never feel the rain

Beautiful sentence isnt it?

Been crazy busy the past few days. Next sem, im going to try to stick with ONE group for ALL the modules. Trying to schedule meetings otherwise is effing retarded. Someone will always have to meet another group or something. Grrr.

Went to interview Nigel's uncle today at international plaza. DAMN GAY LAH THE BUILDING. The freaking lifts were done so we had to climb, yes, CLIMB up eleven stories.

Needless to say we looked liked crap and had to rest before starting the interview. And i was in freaking heels lah.

Overall the interview went well. the office is way, way cool.

have to chiong the editing for locvid early in the morning tomorrow. Lol Ling, we so suay right. 8 am. nooooo.

Consultation was ok today. Another meeting scheduled. gah gah gah.

yay mom's going to be discharged tomorrow! thank God she's ok.


I love banana milk. xD

It strikes me as being deeply ironic how words, the most basic, the foundation of communication, can be so meaningless and empty. We use words to tell a story, to express our feelings and send different messages to each other. So much purpose, so much use and yet, sometimes as hollow as a dying and decaying tree.

I am feeling a sense of melancholy that I have not felt in a very long time. I do not know if it just a passing thing, caused by my tendency to be overly sensitive at times. This is an emotion I dread to feel, and have rarely allowed myself to fall into its suffocating and binding arms but yet tonight, I feel it.

They say that the pen is mightier than the sword, and how words can cause so much destruction. How true.

I felt a sense of disengagement as I walked down the halls just now, leaving the room. I felt as though I was merely an outsider, looking in on a connection that I could not feel. It hurt knowing that despite being so near, near enough to feel the warmth of skin, in reality, I am as far as far can be. I felt as though my actual soul was hovering, looking down at myself, or rather, the shell that is supposed to be me.

Why is it I do not feel this way when I am elsewhere? That when I’m elsewhere suddenly I feel alive again, feel as though I have been awoken with a jolt, and realizing that I have been sleepwalking during those times? It is not right, I should not be feeling this way. It is wrong and partly, I know that deep down inside of me, I know am to be blamed.

But circumstances cannot be changed. I appreciate all the understanding that I have received, I really do. But even the biggest of rocks can be worn down to the tiniest of pebbles by water. I can sense it, but it not like I can do anything about it.

I want to do something about it, I want desperately to change the situation but it’s not within my power. And I’m faulted for having to seem not have tried. But I have, why is it that it is so easily overlooked? Am I too subtle, or am I not trying hard enough?

Not to brag, but I think that I am rather intuitive and the underlying messages that I’ve derived from the conversations feels like a knife in my chest. Knowing that the most important perception of me is slowly dwindling to such a level is just so depressing. Perhaps I am being overly dramatic here but I’ve been in this situation before and it was like hell. I remember after it was over, the immense relief I felt and how I never, ever wanted it to happen again was just so great. And I’ve tried my very best to maintain that trust, and I have. But ironically, it seems that the more I try, the more complex the situation gets. Perhaps i shall just let things simply remain the way they are now. I'm too tired to keep trying.

Nevermind. I believe things will get better and if it doesn't, so be it.


Re-reading that whole chunk, i cant help but laught at how sickeningly emo the whole lot is. Oh well. Self reflection is good. xD

Im off. 1001 things to get done by friday.

Im reading Anthony Bourdain's latest book, The Nasty Bits. And as always, i'm enjoying it like i enjoy ice cream. xD

oh,

Happy Youth Day!!

Have to go chiong medisoc homework now. Ah.

Friday

CLASS. Bah the editing didnt go so well. but then again, i wasnt done with it yet!

So i went to jurong point for dinner. it was nice. we ate at billy bombers and i had my lappie with me so i managed to somehow connect to SOME internet server. muahaha. youtube is retarded. and so is friendster. funny stuff.

Lesson of the day: Dont ever attempt to take a bus home from boonlay. stupidest thing to do.

Saturday

Went to town with Singyi and Stephen. Steve, im never waiting 45 minutes for you again. EVER xP

We wanted to watch Just My Luck. But damn it we kept missing the movie times. We were going back and forth from cine and lido. retarded. It was a total foodie day. We had tcc and then NYDC later. glorious food

Then i left early. Was supposed to go to my aunt's house to watch the soccer thing but i was erm, too tired to go.

im sorry, Finals, i promise!

Hello, i cannot freaking believe France beat Brazil! France is really the most erratic team ever. To quote Steve, one minute they're world champion material, and the next they just suck.

England lost. Oh well. At least Portugal has the chance to go into the semi finals. First time in 40 years or something. I shall be happy for them. That and, Cristiano Ronaldo is daaaaaaarn hot. xD

Sunday

Went for service. So motivating ok! I actually feel like studying. Yes, i must pull up all my rotten grades.

Went to KFC for dinner. Cheeeeeeese fries. xD

Im like, elated my stupid internet is finally working. it feels weird not being able to go online. Like so cut off from the outside world.

goes to show you the dependance on technology we have. kinda like enslavement if you think about it. i mean, whatever happened to simple living, appreciating the sound of the waves and the rustling of the trees et cetra?

i know its contradictory, because i NEED my phone and my computer on a daily basis but i think i'd be so nice if we could just get away from it all and NOT have withdrawal symptoms for a few weeks or something.

ive been re-reading parts of Memoirs of a Geisha (yes i know ive read it alot already) and i cant get over how beautiful Japanese culture is. Its just so rich and complex. Singapore is like, uuuuh.... merlion! which is not even real for goodness sake's. freaking lame tourist attraction. who came up with it anyway, half lion half fish. so not creative can!

I can still remember when i went to Japan years ago. sadly i was too young to be able to appreciate nuts, but even then the country had an impact on me. i remember marvelling at so much while walking through the streets of Tokyo. The vibrant city life, the sound of the japanese language, the eateries by the roadside, the climate etc.

and i remember Hakone. oh man the hot springs. it was so freaking hot, i took like 1/2 an hour to submerge my legs. lol.

and the scenery. it was fall then, so the everywhere was an explosion of red, yellow and orange. even at night. we'd walk to the nearby convinience store at midnight and i was so fascinated at the way the trees looked, bathed in the street lights. so different from the patches of black we see in singapore. oh and, i was also fascinated with the cool bubblegum machines. lol.

i definitely want to go back again.

Top 10 places id like to visit before i die

1. NEW YORK CITY
2. Japan
3. Greece
4. Eygpt
5. France (Paris)
6. Spain (Barcelona)
7. Italy (Florence,Rome)
8. Hawaii
9. Korea
10. England (london)

I know those are typical tourist destinations but what the hey. And i have to see the 7 wonders of the world. And ride a hot air balloon.

now i feel like blogging about somehing else, but i think i'll leave that for tomorrow, least this entry gets more boring than it already is.

school tomorrow, why dont we get youth day?