endless lit streets and paper cranes
Friday, December 29, 2006;
im getting ju hua tai -of all the songs, god jay chou wtf- sung to me.
against my free will, yes. by mr timmy tan. LAWL.
which is basically the only reason i havent hung up.
okok so he doesnt sound bad. but still zomg.
forgot to post this the other day. us @ harry's bar. tried editing it but cock up since the quality sucks balls.
oh wells. its not the first thing ive tried and failed at. =)
yes another black and white. not very nice, i know. taken when i was watching the rest play pool earlier. wasnt in the mood to join them. so.
2007 is coming in a few days. i have no idea what the new year has in store for me and i dont really care either. but at least i know i'll be ushering it in with good cheer.
cause sy and timmy will be there =)
2006.. comparable to an old boyfriend. not without fond memories but yet with no qualms of letting it go.
not that i have a choice, but yes.
out with the old and in with the new.
pure unbridled happiness,
i dont want to settle for any less.
ever.
-mon@11:20 PM
if only exhaustion was limited to a physical thing.
i dread rising. i dont like fighting a battle im not confident of winning. and moreover, its just so tiring.
and the bullet wounds and stabs along the way dont really help much either.
-edit
the rain has stopped, and now all i hear is the loud splattering sound the raindrops make as they smash onto the pavement.
sometimes, i wish i could do the same. still, like the rain, it ends and the sun will shine again.
im waiting for the sun.
i hate the way im feeling. i wish everyone i cared about either a) stop pushing me away or b) backstabbing me.
grind a boulder; it'll eventually turn to dust.
-mon@1:23 AM
Thursday, December 28, 2006;
this photo says it all, really.
imperfections showing through despite the attempts of masking them.
and,
being chained down to trying and trying and trying.
trying so hard.
all the time.
anyway.
went down to harry's bar again. had fun, as usual.
bitching, cigarettes and drinks. few of the many vices that do you a whole lot of good.
you know how they say you learn a new thing everyday? i couldnt agree more.
and i know this is terribly cliched but;
hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned.
it ought do all males good to know that.
-mon@1:07 AM
Tuesday, December 26, 2006;
for someone who is supposed to be relatively smart, i have my stupid moments. very, stupid moments.
and they always come back to me.
and i always end up regretting all over again.
if anyone wants to start buying my presents for xmas next year, how about a nice gun for me to shoot myself with? =)
-mon@9:22 PM
How was your christmas?
Christmas this year was different. No gathering at aunt G's place, no bnjs and no rushing down to the christmas tree at 12 to rip open presents.
In other words, christmas wasnt typical for me. None of the family love stuff, since the family was in china.
Still, different doesnt mean bad. Christmas was kickass this year. I prefer it this way.
Irony, yes.
In chronological order,
turkey sandwiches, love, cigarettes, human jams, beef patties, magaritas, coke, lychee martinis, cabbing in circles and more love.
That was my christmas. Kudos to Indochine and Harry's Bar.
Boxing day was full of love too.
The family came home, i woke up next to Timmy, and we lazed the day away.
There's nothing quite like oranges and books. =)
i think he looks cool here, yes?
and finally,
vous avez placé mon coeur sur le feu-mon@7:26 PM
Monday, December 25, 2006;
oh yes,
Merry Christmas!
hope y'all got everything you wanted on your christmas list
i know i did.
my christmas list and more-mon@2:19 AM
The house has been deserted for a rather long time, inhabited for a short while when i got home this morning at 7 for a nap before going out again.
Sipping some greentea and uh, black label concoction at darling Timmy's place. xmas dinner.
summary of the past two days? shoes, dxo, annoying security guards, horny fuckheads, xmas spam smses and a whole lot of love.
family's still in china. xmasing with sy and timmy tomorrow.
off i go.
what would i be without you? -mon@12:13 AM
Friday, December 22, 2006;
The Timmy is sleeping on my bed behind me, the second time in the past 24 hours. Though, this time without me, because im due at Singyi's soon. someone has to wake him up.
the lazybones. <3s
Yesterday was all about impromtu christmas shopping, lots and lots of laughter and sprawling on couches. oh and food, gloriously evil fattening food.
i love my friends.
"Be careful, i won't be there to count the planes"
-Luicianne, FlyboysA must watch. Tear jerking and immensely thought provoking.
Especially that line above right there, it was, i think, the most affective one.
-mon@7:45 PM
Tuesday, December 19, 2006;
turn my face to the sunlight; everything else is overshadowed
i woke up to see the rain beating against the window panes.
damn the monsoon.
tell me a story with your fingertips.
yes that's darling timmy playing the flute.
the same sillyboy who was so convinced i was trying to sneak his photo. heh.
love in its entirety is when i look at you.
-mon@11:51 PM
Monday, December 18, 2006;
for that id give an arm, a leg, my head.
actually.
hey mr. grimreaper, ive got an offer you cant refuse. =)
edit-
the rain is inspirational. dancing in it was amazing.
so much for my evening run though, maybe tomorrow.
its always tomorrow anyway.
-mon@11:29 PM
pasta, boring tv, sleeping on couches, giggles in the kitchen and lots of cigarette smoke.
heartwarming.
plenty of things to look forward to this week, despite the workload.
that's life, ain't it?
i see my image in the mirror, and i so desperately want to switch places with it.
strength. i wish i had more.
for me, for you, for my friends and for my family. santa, grant me this one xmas wish. please?
amongst many others, that is.
a picture does say a thousand words.
-mon@4:41 PM
Saturday, December 16, 2006;
-mon@11:47 PM
Those Tahiti urges. They'll never go away will they?
Lies, pretense, facades, hypocricy and subdueing emotions.
story of my life.
oh wells.
you cannot expect stars and smiley faces all the time.
-mon@11:57 AM
Nothing like gorging yourself on food with your bestest friend and drinking sour tea after to feel tingly.
Changed the skin. Guess the old one was too flashy. Inner minimalist cries in despair everytime it sees purple, pink and apricot flash onto the screen.
less is better.
In that case, i wonder if; i had less standards for myself, would i be happier?
It's funny how what im doing now will not matter when im dead and gone, and that i know that, and yet i still try so hard.
Try, but never accomplish.
Watch me slowly kill myself. heh.
thank you for saving me. i love you.
*edit
neither here nor there.
neither in between.
tell me please.
i dont know. i wish someone would tell me what's up and how to react accordingly.
im tired of making mistakes.
-mon@2:05 AM
Thursday, December 14, 2006;
GOODBYE SINGAPORE HELLO TAHITI
-mon@12:35 AM
Wednesday, December 13, 2006;
Resting against a beanbag chair in Char's room now,letting the conversations of Mok, Nigel, Char, Singyi, Steve and Mehul wash over me.
I feel so comfortable now. I know its cheesy, but i look at these people now, and i feel this sudden rush of love that makes me feel nice and warm. This sense of togetherness i never want to feel with any other group of people. Its just so cool the way we all fit in nicely together. Like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
Anyway.
Today was all about lots and lots and lots of love with timmydarling, about laughing, cheesy costumes, cheesier jokes and another experience that'll bring about fond memories.
FIRSTLY.
Woke up next to sweetness. it was all nice and warm under the comforter. =) i love the sillyboy!
yessss envy me.
bathed and everything and cabbed down to harbourfront. met up with mihu, steve and sy and we went to char's.
prepared for socpsych.
the broken social norm?
walk around vivo in halloween costume screaming "merry xmas" and "happy new year". it was rather amusing. there was a murderer with a spanner for a weapon who was splattered with blood (nigel), a dead school girl (me), a witch (char), an emoboy (mok), a pirate (mihu) and a er, geisha-ish person with a hot pink umbrella (sy).
went around interviewing people etc etc. alot of work for a non assessed project but it was all for fun.
now we're back at char's and i should be leaving for home soon. er. i need to do my outlines. maybe tomorrow since class ends early. yes procastinate. slack today.
can't wait for the photos. we ran into supercameraman XIANJIE and he grabbed the photo op.
i go now. i guess.
why is happiness so elusive?
why cant stuff just be simple?
why is there always mind games?
when i say "shoot me" sometimes,
i mean it.
Tahiti's starting to look better by the day.
-mon@7:21 PM
Sunday, December 10, 2006;
We're leaving for the airport to send mom off in about 10 minutes.
I want to stuff myself into a huge luggage bag and check into some flight headed to Tahiti or somewhere far far away.
Shoot me. Just shoot me, seriously.
-mon@11:19 AM
Saturday, December 09, 2006;
I dno lah, my titles all make no sense one.
Went out to meet Sy, Steve and Mihu at 1 at northpoint. As usual, steve was late.
Mihu and i had our hair done. I think mine looks quite alright but damn, Mihu looks GOOD. damn good. rahaha.
chopped mine all off so now its short. man i feel so FREE and LIGHT without all that hair.
dyed it too. black with red -no fuck its NOT PINK- streaks.
im keeping this length. not gonna grow my hair out for a long long time.
Went back to the market near my place for dinner. sat there for ages talking and catching up and eating indian food. missed them loads!
then we went back to my place where the lovelies waited for me to change and get my stuff.
Took 169 and here i am at darling Timmy's place, watching death note and gorging on BnJ. strawberry cheesecake done and chubby hubby later. muahaha. <3s! both Timmy and the ice cream i mean. lala ice cream ruleeeezzzz.
ah looks like i wont be going home tonight. -.-
-mon@1:49 AM
Thursday, December 07, 2006;
Good day =)
Yesterday
The only thing that interested me during the life for rent conference thing was the part where all the FDW went up and sang. It was hauntingly beautiful, and that is with me not understanding a word of it.
Bought 5 of the roses because the money's going to charity, and i was touched by some of the testimonials. Aiya since 1 stalk $1, $5 won't kill.
Went to PS after that with Char, Mihu, Nigel, Mok and Jabez. Specifically cause i needed to buy stuff for the scrapbook. The scrapbook store has the prettiest stuff! If someone would sponser me with just 1/2 hour of unlimited shopping in there, i'd be eternally thankful. I went mad looking at the pretty papers and stickers and stuff.
And i never get excited over material stuff. unless it's Gucci or Coach, my two favourite brands in the whole wide world. Anyone seen the latest Coach Holiday tote?
I'll kiss the person 99999999 times who buys that for me for xmas!!
But before i sound like im the sort who thinks xmas is all about stuff stuff and more stuff, IM DAMN OLD FASHIONED ABOUT XMAS OK. I WANT TO CELEBRATE BY BINGING ON COOKIES AND GINGERBREAD MAN AND HOT COCOA IN FRONT OF A BLAZING FIREPLACE WITH ALL MY FRIENDS WHILE THE SNOW FALLS OUTSIDE AND ONCE THE SNOW STOPS WE'LL ALL GO OUTSIDE AND MAKE SNOWMAN AND SNOWANGELS AND HAVE SNOW WARS.
Too bad lah. wish only.
The guys spent 3765434676543 years in Yamaha.
see?
found this cool clacker thing. i have no idea what it's called.
Im digressing. Anyway, then i left the rest and took a bus to town and sped walked and mall hopped in hopes of finding a place that prints photos that was still open at 9. But no lah, dont have so FUCK CANNOT DO MY SCRAPBOOK. i got damn pissed cause i wanted it done by today. Perfectionist. heh.
Took a bus home.
Booboo!!! Thank you so much for everything! You're an amazing amazing friend and me loves you many many! You da shibby, baby!
Today
Woke up past the alarm, which i dont remember ringing, and rushed out of the house. Went to meet mr.timmy tan and we cabbed to school because mr timmy tan was doing goodness knows what at home and was LATER THAN ME. i hope you were playing with Qoo and feeding him treats or something. heh.
Speech comm!
Had my impromptu speech. Lucky shit, i got the topic "Taxi Drivers". Nyahaha talk about something right up my alley. Half my allowance goes to taxi fare. =/
Char got "Generation Gap" but i didnt get to hear that cause i was outside doing my outline. I was talking cock through out and my ending totally sucked but i still got a B+ so can lah.
Had to do group presentation too. 2 presentations in one day! Im going to be super thick skinned if this keeps up. yay speech comm! Talked about the death penalty. I <3 Sabby's introduction. Damn power pack. rofl.
uhuhuh. went to the library after that to do "work" and eat marshmellows and m&ms. whee sugar high! took out 3 books for my writcomm, which i will need to do tonight.
follow follow follow follow, follow the yellow brick road! yes i know there's a ring of white. i didnt do properly. and fuck that was lame shit.
many many marshmellows to waste.
i like playing with photoshop.
Went back to Timmy's place after that. the sillyboy was high today. talk cock like hell. clean what clean what? =P funny. me loves you!
Headed for yishun with him. Me to print photos/go home and him to SA for band. Photos tomorrow so damn, must postpone scrapbook again. GAH IM PISSING MYSELF OFF.
Finally gonna get my hair done tomorrow. I hope i have the guts to chop my hair off. later look like fuck sure cry. lollol nono i wont, but i'll complain like shit. at least Sy and Steve will be there. havent seen them in the
longest.
righto i need a shower
. -mon@10:11 PM
Wednesday, December 06, 2006;
About the life for rent thing going on. Bah.
My legs are freezing. I didnt think when i chose my outfit today. I look fucking weird.
Yesterday
Went to school, went home.
Went for a walk around running route. The bangalas kinda freaked me out. Staring like mad.
Then again, id stare at a girl with messy hair, wearing a bright orange jersey whose phone keeps going "hello moto" every other minute and walking at nearly 10pm alone too.
Im glad i took that walk. Even if i didnt manage to really sort out my thoughts or get any solutions, at least i got to cry to my heart's content. I must have looked weird. Thank god for waterproof mascara, my black eyeshadow was making my face black enough as it is.
All i needed was rain and i'd get as what Timmy puts as "an mtv setting".
Got home, went online and i kept falling asleep in front of the com. i bet it pissed everyone i was talking to off. sorry ah. i'll stop using my lappie in bed.
ah. i'll go do other stuff.
-mon@2:26 PM
Monday, December 04, 2006;
Hello.
Apparently the world thinks that I am not allowed to be emo, thus whenever i put up sad, emo-ish posts i am uh, what's that again, "craving attention", "acting emo" and "wanna-be", i shall post a happy post.
Fuck all of you who think the only emotion i am "allowed" to have is happy. Ever occured to you that i dont air EVERY single problem i have on my blog, thus it seems im "happy" all the time? I dont need people to know every single detail of my life, thank you very much.
ANYWAYS.
Three hour lunch break was spent at kap and cold storage. we were looking for kinder surprise but DONT HAVE. so we ended up buying other stuff. lots of other stuff.
me thinks nigel makes a good family man.
mini m&ms to stuff into
marshmellows!
we didnt get around to doing that so, tomorrow tomorrow!
we bought christmas crackers too. there were super pretty ones but, $30+ so uh..
so school dragged on. another new assignment for writcomm. bah.
went to Timmy's after school and cabbed home after.
oh yes. took this yesterday:
they looked so pretty in the shop window! lol.
i hate how its always in my head.
surfacing at the times i least expect
and that's when it hits me the hardest.
i try to brush it away,
shove it back down into the darker abysses of my brain.
because that's all i can do,
brush,
shove.
i cannot get rid of it,
because it wont go.
im tired.
im tired of thinking about it.
im tired of letting it affect me.
im tired of the effects it has on me.
im tired of losing.
im tired of not being stronger.
i wish that day would fade from its existance,
everything that happened on that day wiped out into nothingness.
i wish it never happened,i hate it.
i hate me.
i hate you.
-mon@11:11 PM
Hello all.
In soc psyc lecture now.
I shall update.
Yesterday saw me..
sleeping in till 12, and then napping again later. then i got changed and went to northpoint with mom and bro.
met timmy and he went to cut his hair. super jap lah can. lollol.
then we went to PS for dinner. uhuh. thai express. warm warm food in my tummmmmy.
then we went back to his place. stayed over.
Today..
we both woke up later and ended up cabbing to school.
ok. that was boring.
uh. this entry is really pointless. some people wax philosophy and such on their blogs with powerful sounding statements and all but nooo, mine's boring and all about me me me.
yay me!
my hair is like *&%$%^&*. i forgot to put leave on this morning and it fucking looks like HAY now. nbcb.
im gonna get it cut. chop it all off. my stylist says can, so i hope i wont look too funky. and change the colour. no more curly generic-colour girly locks. nyahaha. everyone is freaking perming their hair (i dont mean you Singyi!), even my mom permed her hair. that's it. CUT CUT CUT.
lala. lunch!
-mon@11:28 AM
Saturday, December 02, 2006;
Im lying on bed.
Itunes is playing.
I feel like the picture. Black and white.
the tears will come soon. oh wait.
they already have.
-mon@10:43 PM
My flu evolved to a throat ulcer, a funky nose and a headache that thank god went away.
rahaha thank you
Anyway, harbouring was fun yesterday.
There was a live band, so we couldnt sit near to the waters but no matter. shared the usual salad and beef fries from carl's jr. and then we went to hagaan dazs to chill. shared an ice cream.
there were fireworks because it was vivo's grand opening or some shit. it was beautiful. how nice if it could rain down on me.
there isnt the big blue explosion in my phone
pretty
I LIKE THIS ONE.
ooh green.
then my phone died. otherwise id have taken the gold showers. those were awesome.
THEN. we got greedy and went to thai express. Singyi is fucking funny.
she had tomyam soup and i had some fish thing. finished like, 20% of it and then. we couldnt walk cause we were THAT full. we were like, staggering and laughing all the way to her condo. like drunk. lol.
uh. couldnt get a cab, even the fucking phone operators told me to go to vivo. wtf. ended up taking 855 to thompson and then cabbing home from there. didnt help that my phone died either.
went home. dad was a being a drama king, he should really consider a career in acting.
thanks sy and steve and timmy for listening to me rant. i cant believe he got under my skin like that. im such a damn softie at heart. NO MORE. from now on. fuck. i cant let people walk over my like that.
anyway.
talked on the phone with sy and steve for a while and then i fell asleep. woke up at 8. test was at 9. well done. had to fucking cab again.
test was alright. considering i didnt study last night. no time and no mood.
uh.
went to timmy's after that to SLEEP. i love that word. sleep. s.l.e.e.p. s-l-e-e-p. ah yes.
cabbed home cause i felt sick so here i am now.
Singyi, well done! im damn proud of you. you're one helluva brave girl. things will turn out for the better, and if it doesnt, then we all know that it wasnt worth it and you're better off now. no matter what, anytime u feel down, call me and rant since you-know-who is starting to turn out funky. im always here for you darling girl! xmas is coming, so, let's not let unnecessary stuff get us down. its time to celebrate! tis the season to be jolly! hohohoho! =)
Speaking of xmas, my family is definitely going to China over xmas so it looks like im going to have to entertain myself.
Dad's in jakarta. peace.
*edit
Wah lao eh.
I am super disgusted at myself. Im like, freaking FAT now can. Ever since i tried to kick my bad eating habits and made myself eat like a normal human being i think i fucking gained weight. Piang.
Plus i run. So i bet im building muscles. NUUU please no i dont want to look like a boy. I dont want bulk! Take it away! NOOOOOOO.
And i let myself fall sick. wtf. cant even exercise now! nbcb. im really really pissed.
how to win the bet with nigel like that?!
GAH.
curse the powers that be that made me not small sized genetically.
-mon@5:50 PM
Friday, December 01, 2006;
Uhhh.
Wednesday
Went to the library after canteen 3 and uh. lay on the beanbag chair things. super shiok. but the fucking auntie kept fucking coming and fucking disturbing us. nbcb.
left at around 5 and Timmy and I went swimming. whee.
I chionged 2 short laps and felt like fuck after that. i dont know how. im amazing.
went to macs to eat after that and then he went home. took 804. walked in. gah hate it.
Thursday
Woke up and my entire body was aching. Even my eye hurt so i didnt go to school. Pre flu sypmtoms. FUCK. why do i keep getting the fucking flu?! ive been eating well, exercising. why why tell me why.
So i slacked around the whole day watching stupid tv and at 7, TIMMY AND SINGYI came to visit me. DAMN SWEET I TELL YOU. Buy me food and herbal drinks somemore.
Im a fucking lucky girl. damn touching =) <3s!
Went to the market to see the doctor, and we went for dinner. Rented Saw and went back to watch. Not as gory as expected.
Sy left at around midnight and Timmy and I continued watching this other movie. DAMN COOL. i loved the shots. i loved those times, the 1920s-1950s. the fashion, the culture, the poised sophisticated elegance of everything. damn. where's a fucking time machine when i need it.
uh. in america, of course. manhattan specifically.
uh. he ended up staying over because we both fell asleep.
Todayand gg mona, i forgot to enable my damn alarm,so i woke up at 8. class was at 9.
*slaps self about with a large trout
cabbed to school. was 40 minutes late so i was absent. wonder why i even bothered going. oh yes. buy mc waste money.
so.. fast forward and now im in RP, crashing sy's class.
Her faci invited me to stay for lessons so cool. I'll sit here and read through writcomm notes. test tomorrow. at 9 am. NUUUUUUUUUU.
going to vivo with her later. harbouring!
head still hurts but ive taken painkillers. going away soon. =) nourishing food later please. i ate a tuna tortilla wrap cause i thought it was healthy but no, it was fucking oily. -.-
once again, self slap.
must eat more nourishing food later. hope it doesnt rain.
i will go running tomorrow, hopefully, if my body permits.
-mon@1:53 PM
