To sum up alot of ranting, the endless thoughts and deep thinking that have been on going for the past 24 hours or so would be:

Words hurt, but only if we choose to be affected by them. But yet, while in the process of self-discovery, we must take heed in those words because there's no smoke without fire.

I guess this is going to sound very much like a confessional. Ah heck who am i kidding, im going to rant anyway.

How shall i put it. I was talking on msn last night and some stuff really got me thinking.

Like how people have been saying im a fake, that im so insecure i have to lie about my life, that i change friends faster than i change clothes etc etc.

I admit, some stuff ive done in school im not exactly proud of. Like throwing my weight around, constantly having that annoyingly snobby look on my face for no reason and taking alot of things for granted, my friends, people's tolerance and the like.

To cut it all short, i guess im not really a very like-able person. And while it makes me feel kinda itchy, i dont really care either. I mean, everyone is judgemental to a certain level and if people just dont like you, no matter what you do, they'll always be able to find fault in it. But i dont care.

Because i have friends who know that im currently in the stage of transition. Like, im trying to figure out stuff about myself, and deciding what kind of person i want to be. I mean, everyone has/is going through this stage now and what can i say, its tough. And these are the friends whose opinions matter to me. To put it bluntly, everyone else who gossip and spread rumours about me that are totally not true can just fuck off and eat my socks.

I graduated leaving behind many opportunities for people to gossip about me. Some true, others lies. But no matter what these people want to say, im powerless to stop it and i guess the old statement is true.

Let people say what they want to say, let people think what they want to think.

Im sorry to have left behind a not-very-pleasant reputation of myself, regret even. But while id love to go back in time and change it, i suppose all this will spur me to become a better person.

And also, i cant please everyone, and i have no intention to even try. This blog entry has no intention of letting people go "ooh, mona's changing, maybe i should hate her a little less etc etc", but rather i see this blog as a chance for me to sort out my thoughts and clear my head a little. Plus typing is a hell lot faster than writing.

The thought of publishing all that is making me feel weak and a little vulnerable -which i hate- but what the heck.


Today was crazily busy. The total sales was a 5 digit number and i had to go to heeren because of staff shortage.

Wow, a little fashion show does wonders. The power of advertising.

Well, i finally bought my papillos so you wont have to hear me whine about it no more. I reckon people would get irritated after a while anyway. Oh and, the miss sixty tops look like crap on me so no buy. Not till i lose weight, i look like a blob now. lol.

going to go read abit and sleep. im beat.