Im so angry, and yet the sadness is overwhelming.
Im so hurt, and yet so totally disgusted.
Im so confused, and yet i feel so righteous.
I cannot grasp the reality.
ive lost a hold that used to be so strong, but weakened over time and now, its completely destroyed.
Oh well. All i can say is, go mess everything up if you want to. Im not letting my life get turned upside down. Im gonna be strong and be totally independant. Im going to teach myself to never, ever depend on anyone else completely from now on. At least if i fuck up, then i can only blame myself and know that the hurt was not caused by anyone i trusted. yes, harsh reality.
The only one i shall ever depend on is JESUS CHRIST. As they say, if He put me through this, He will also help me through this.
Ok enough of the self pitying drivel. On to today.
Slept for only 1 hour last night. The noises in my head were overbearing. Bah.
Wasnt able to go to church today. totally out of it and not in the right state of mind, nor did i have the emotional and mental capacity to mingle and pretend to be happy. no one at church deserves to see me moping about. if i want to go to church, i want to go there to be able to give my 100%. today, i had like, a negative %.
At times like this, the only people i actually want to turn to are my closest friends for physical comfort.
Singyi, Steve, thanks so much for being with me today. I appreciate it alot.
My darling CG mates, thank you so very much for all the encouraging sms-es. rest assure, im not gonna let anything pull me under. xD
Dashed out of the house the minute i bathed and took the bus to harbourfront to meet Singyi.
Hey Singyi! We've been friends so like, so very long and we've watched each other grow up and change from the hideous walking forms to the more decent and presentable people we are today. Every fear and every trouble i had, i shared with you and you with me. Im eternally grateful to God for you. Sadistic as this sounds, every new trouble that we're gonna encounter in the long road of life ahead is just gonna strengthen the bond of friendship we have. Im glad that whenever im down, i know that you're just a phone call away and i can afford to think, "hey what the shit. throw it all at me, im not alone!". For what it's worth, thank you for being my friend!
Went to her place and we ranted and raved and looked for jobs on jobstreet.com. I actually wanted to write something funny about how my laptop dropped at the interchange with a loud "piak!" but yeah, cant summon up enough creativity to make it sound funny. My laptop is all wobbly now. Damn i need to take better care of it.
So anyway. we waited darn long for Stephen and went to the MRT station to meet after realizing we forgot that we had to meet him in 1/2 an hour after his last call. He did some lame joke about floating but hey, good trick.
Went down to town even though i was mumbling incoherently yesterday about how the town vibe would not suit my mood. We watched the Devil wears Prada and man, the movie rocked! Something about the movie, but i felt thin watching it. Ha. And Anna Hathaway has eyes that are way too big. They like, take up 50% of her entire face. kinda freaky.
Went to coffee bean after the movie and sat there. Didnt want to spend money there but i was feeling cold so i bought a latte. Bleah tasted crappy. Wanted to puke. ahh.
Then Stephen wanted to go touch the Sang Nila .... statue. Apparently according to him, there's a curse on it where anyone who touches it will drop a limb. I swear i dont know where he gets all this. Funny boy.
So we walked towards Dhoby Ghaut and just as we were reaching Fort Canning, we passed by Dome and decided we were hungry. Walked back to PS and had a really light dinner at cafe cartel.
walking along the road. i like this,
some bar we passed. looks like a nice place to chill.
so then we decided to go back to Fort Canning but guess what, the steps leading up were so damn scaryx10 we decided to use the newly constructed tunnel that was at least lit.
but. Just as we were halfway across the tunnel to some other steps, Steve had to mention something about the tunnel "smelling funky, like corpse" and something about the word corpse, but we kinda freaked and ran. We tried going again the second time but then Stephen started going on about the dim lights and 7th month so we ended up not going up to Fort Canning. Hey it was around 10!
Then he suggested walking to the Esplanade but we passed by Cathy and i thought of going up to see Jamie at B&Js but as we were going up the escalator, she was going down with about 1/2 the CG. too late. rofl.
So we ended up taking the train to Raffles Place and sitting by the Singapore river until around 11 30 before we headed for home.
hey hey what do you expect from a phone ive dropped countless times?
I love you guys!
I think out of the 3 of us, im the one whose always having some sort of issue that im whining to them about and yet, they listen and try their best to help me and cheer me up. I love them! Singyi, Steve, if you guys ever need a favour at 4am in the morning 10 years down the road, call me anytime.
PS: Hey church people! Im so sorry i had to give what must have been a radical weekend a miss. See y'all next week.
I think im going to genting with my uh, family and singyi and steve on the 15th. awesome.
