Today was seriously screwy.
Woke up late. watched tv. went out for dinner with my family and now im in the living room with my brother.
yep. im not gonna write out the other stuff in between.
what should i do tomorrow?
*edit
as if matters if i put that or not. oh well.
i feel funky.
and no, funky aint a good thing.
i think i fucking read too much. which ends up with me fucking thinking too much.
and im sorry for using "fuck" so much. im so not having a good day
RAAAR.
i really hate the way i am sometimes. i thought that i was already above all that shit. i thought that i had matured more than this. i thought i had learnt to trust, most imporantly.
evidently, i havent.
its so seriously fucked up. i just manage to kill whatever that remained of my mood. i have itchy fingers, itchy eyes and a killer curiousity.
lethal combination really. curiousity killed the cat.
haha stupid much. i made myself upset. powr la mona, well done. now i feel... a whole combination of things.
why am i always doing stupid things. why am i so effing blind and why, why why why why WHY am i so effing RASH AND IMPULSIVE. i just realize i dont think alot (i mean, when i have to) and i just happily throw myself in and allow opporunities for heartbreak, anger, bitterness, jealousy, hurt and whatever-the-fuck emotions to happen.
whee. -.-
im too suspicious. how ah.
actually, given the current situation who the eff can blame me for being suspicious? i agree with steve, im a paranoid android. for the things that i care about alot more i mean. like, i dont give a flying fuck about my neighbours and stuff.
at times like these, i wish i could get a lobotomy or have some amazing ability to wipe out parts of the past i wish never ever happened.
the next best thing would of course be running to Singyi's place with a tub of ice cream.
but oh well. i'll deal. i just needed an outlet to rant.
and.
if you're all gonna ask me if im ok, obviously im going to say i am cause that's just the way i am. i dont air my dirty laundry to everyone, and its not that im taking you all for idiots when i say im ok when my mind is so obviously going on overload but like, i dont feel comfortable sharing.
y'know. its not like me to be the way i am. the only other time i was like this was when i cared. i wont stop caring, cause i cant but like. ah fuck.
get a grip!!!
yes. grip. i feel like bitch slapping myself for being so needy and loser-ish. its so pathetic i cant stand it. urg. like, people think im already jaded to the extent im cold cause of how scarily calm i am over certain stuff. DARLINGS YOU'RE ALL WRONG.
the next time (cause im damn sure there'll be a next time), im not going to throw myself in so much. i have to make sure i do otherwise thats it. the cycle repeats. stay far far away. far away to be safe, yet close enough to seem normal.
i dunno. im crazy. i allow myself too much.
seesh.
but of course. i'll be ok. probably by tomorrow cause all i need a good long sleep.
tomorrow will be a better day.
