its funny, ok not so funny, how late nights and an imbalance of hormones can causes one to plunge into the pits of depression (rather, extreme unhappiness because depression is severe but in this case is the perfect word) so easily.

i imagine it would be like being in Azkaban, where the lowest and most terrible points in your life keep flashing by in your head like a lousy movie you're stuck watching- you dont want to, but you're just stuck there.

its almost comical how the smallest of things can cause the most massive of all mood swings.


i need a cigarette or two.


i wish i could go to a cliff, one that is reddish, and where i'll be facing a very orange sunset. the earth beneath my feet will be crumbly, but firm, and the air alive with sounds of the desert. i will be wearing monochrome preferably, with a splash of colour for shoes.

i will be alone.

and then i will step off the cliff, but i wont fall, and i wont die. i'll just fly off to goodness knows where because the wind will be able to carry me. in my head i will be thinking "the hell with all of you", and from the moment my feet left the ground, all chains (metaphorical) that bound me to the earth will have vanished and then i'd be free.


maybe if i thought about it enough, i'd dream it later. its better than nothing.